Sharon Stone posed topless, showing off her extremely fake-looking rack for France’s Paris Match magazine, which I’m assuming is some kind of catalog for the transsexual sadist. Browse such erotic novelties as the Pegasus Leather Gag Mask with Adjustable Velcro Closures and the Show No Mercy Latex Peephole Brief while reading about Sharon Stone’s body confidence at the age of 50!

Sharon’s always denied having implants, but when you drop this much weight and your chest looks bolted on for dear life, there’s no hiding it. To prove my point, for a good twenty minutes I thought I was looking at Dolly Parton on meth. True story.

Most of us know that Sharon Stone, who was most recently dating a 24-year-old, is clearly insane by now. But apparently Slumdog Millionaire’s Dev Patel didn’t get the memo, because when Stone was flirting with him at the BAFTA awards this past Sunday he was flattered and not horrifically repulsed.

He says, “Sharon’s great, she’s been flirting with me all night. She was chasing me around earlier, slapping me. Sharon Stone! Can you believe it?”

A 50-year-old woman chasing around an 18-year-old and slapping him? Yes, I can believe it was Sharon Stone. In fact, if it wasn’t Sharon Stone, the only other options I can think of would be Madonna or the actual mother of an 18-year-old whose son got busted trying to buy a keg with a fake ID.