Paula Abdul imitated and mocked Ellen DeGeneres on “VH1 Divas.” Ellen, of course, is taking over Paula Abdul’s role as judge on “American Idol” next season.

“Why you all staring at me? Can’t a girl try out a new job?” she asked innocently after boogying her way up the aisle of the Brooklyn Academy of Music.

Ooh. Take that, Ellen. I bet that totally hit beneath the belt. Although, contrary to popular belief, Ellen DeGeneres doesn’t actually so much have testicles, so once again Paul Abdul fails at life.

THE CRAZY HAS LEFT THE BUILDING I REPEAT THE CRAZY HAS LEFT THE BUILDING

After weeks of speculation, Paula Abdul finally announced her departure from American Idol. Her Coke mug has run dry. Paula, surprisingly lucid, posted on her Twitter:

With sadness in my heart, I’ve decided not to return to #IDOL. I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all… I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all being a part of a show that I helped from day1become an international phenomenon. What I want to say most, is how much I appreciate the undying support and enormous love that you have showered upon me. It truly has been breathtaking, especially over the past month.

I guess leaving Idol isn’t all bad for Paula. Now she can really get a good head start on hoarding buttons and playing dress up with her sixteen cats and hiding in the bushes so she can catch the neighborhood kids ringing her doorbell. Or whatever else it is crazy ladies do when they’re not in production on a hit TV show.

When word of Paula Abdul not returning to American Idol his this weekend, it was only a matter of time until some astronomical salary figure popped up. And apparently that number is $20 mil, according to RadarOnline:

Her manager David Sonenberg is playing tough, and probably made a few network execs squirm this weekend when he told the Los Angeles Times, “Very sadly, it does not appear she’s going to be back on Idol.”
The story behind Sonenberg’s comments, RadarOnline.com has learned from sources close to the situation, is that the former Laker Girl and hit recording star is demanding $20 million and the other side has floated the idea of $10 million. And while Paula has regularly renegotiated her contract with dire threats of not returning, Sonenberg is talking tough and hasn’t given anyone on the network side reason to believe he’s bluffing.

Paula Abdul’s new manager is an idiot. FOX is already replacing the voice cast of Futurama, so do you honestly think they’ll lose sleep over not having a drunken Paula on next season’s Idol?

Meanwhile, Simon Cowell’s future with “Idol” also hangs in the balance:

He has said he may leave the show when his contract is up at the end of next season. British reports claim he has asked to be paid in excess of $100 million a season.

So the crazy one and the British one are out, that leaves, what, the black one? That sounds like an awesome show. Kind of like if a tree fell in the forest and said “dawg” and no one was around to hear it.