According to the Daily Mail, Rihanna suffered a “limo nightmare” last night after accidentally flashing her cellulite to the paparazzi as she was leaving Mahiki nightclub in London. For a woman who wears hot little outfits and has a tight body, she sure knows how to make herself unattractive. Her thighs are hardly a nightmare. They’re more like a disgustingly bad dream that haunts you to your core. This header picture is one of the worst shots I’ve ever seen of her, she looked better in the police photos after she beat up Chris Brown’s fists with her face. I’m suddenly not feeling well… this is too much for one day.

Rihanna and her ridiculous hair are making the publicity rounds to open up about how Chris Brown attacked her last February, even giving a weepy interview to Diane Sawyer later this week. Because, of course she fucking is. Glamour also got in on a piece of the action:

It has taught me so much. I felt like I went to sleep as Rihanna and woke up as Britney Spears. That was the level of media chaos that happened the next day. It was like, What, there are helicopters circling my house? There are 100 people in my cul-de-sac? What do you mean, I can’t go back home?

You know who probably feels really good about that statement? Britney Spears. Yeah, I know what she was getting at, but still. Sure, Britney may have married a gold-digging loser, dated a skeevy paparazzi, lost her kids and went crazycakes for awhile – but she sure as hell didn’t let no man put his hands on her. Not that any man would be dumb enough to try, mind you. That’s why God invented hornet’s nests and sticks.

I know that Halloween brings out some weird shit, but these pictures of Rihanna with Ice T’s big assed woman CoCo are just odd. Their willingness to stand around and make everyone go “W-T-F is an inspiration to us all.