According to Jon Gosselin’s former nanny, Stephanie Santoro, Jon’s bodyguard Tom Meinelt told her that Jon has a sex tape and he’s seen it.

“Tom told me that Jon was secretly videotaped having sex with a woman in Los Angeles in October, and he’s seen the tape! Tom said people close to Jon put a camera in his hotel room, and paid a girl to flirt with Jon and have sex with him. He also told me that he saw Jon snort cocaine on more than one occasion, and that the more Jon got into partying, the more cocaine he used!”

The fact that a Jon Gosselin sex tape exists, somewhere, is more terrifying to me than terrorists, the swine flu, and the fact that eventually the sun will eventually supernova, expand and swallow our plant whole. Then again, the whole sun swallowing us up thing wouldn’t be so bad if the Jon Gosselin sex tape was destroyed along with the Earth. Hmm … I wonder if there’s any way of speeding that process up. Let’s get on it, science.

Vivid Entertainment has released the cover of Shauna Sand’s sex tape, and boy does this look like all the sex tapes I’ve ever made. Without the professional lighting, makeup, duct tape, and screams that no one will ever be able to hear no matter how loud your scream, it’d be almost like I’m looking in a mirror!!

NSFW version here:

Vivid Entertainment acquired a hardcore sex tape featuring the plastic Shauna Sand and plan to release it October 19. Shauna admits she in fact made several sex tapes with her Miami boyfriend, but did not “sign off on this.” Obviously not too thrilled, she has summoned the power of her attorney.

“Yes I did make a sex tape with my boyfriend earlier this year. In fact I’ve made several sex tapes, but I certainly didn’t sign off on this and Vivid has no right to put it out. I am trying to get a hold of my attorney now.”

Vivid founder Steven Hirsch isn’t too worried claiming they legally obtained the tape from a third party.

“We were approached by a third party, who brought us footage of Shauna having sex with her current boyfriend and we were immediately interested in acquiring it … We’re comfortable with our legal position in releasing this footage.”

If in fact this tape gets blocked and you really want to see it regardless of your stomach warning you not to, just watch someone have sex with a life size Barbie doll with big, fake Barbie breasts in ten-inch heels. It’ll be the exact same thing except the girl will be way hotter.