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Jessica Alba debuts little Honor Marie Warren in this week’s issue of OK! and opens up (ha ha) about the whole birthing process:

“I didn’t scream,” Jessica tells OK! “It was really Zen. The labor was more like meditation. I did yoga breathing. I was focused.”

And Cash could only marvel at his wife’s quiet strength when she gave birth. “She didn’t make a sound,” he says. “It was amazing.”

Damn this chick is hardcore. I could never give birth naturally without making a sound. And not just because I don’t have a uterus. I’m afraid of pain. I get an epidural every time I go to the dentist’s office. You can’t be too careful.

Honor Marie Warren, celebuspawn of Jessica Alba and hubby Cash Warren, is now $1.5 million richer thanks to OK! Magazine. We’re hearing the two-part deal consists of pictures of the baby now, and one other “event” — Christmas, Thanksgiving, vacation, Alba’s divorce party etc. Our spy said Jessica initially turned down the offers of several weekly mags, not wanting to sell, but eventually caved. Two-month-old Honor, we’re told, is just “adorable” and the pictures, taken this week, are “so cute.”

Here’s Jessica Alba and Cash Warren leaving Bloomingdales in Century City:

Jessica has named her daughter Honor Marie Warren. She reportedly told friends that it’s an “honor having Cash Warren’s baby,” and that means: “It’s an honor to have trapped this set assistant who cheats on me all the time and is a leech on my bank account with a baby. I’ve hit the jackpot, ladies! Eat your hearts out!” I was thinking she might name her spawn Cheater…because that’s what daddy is… Poor child to have to be dishonored with a name like that. What’s wrong with these people?