The list of famous people having their places of residence burglarized continues to grow. On Saturday, thieves broke into Kourtney Kardashian’s Calabasas home and made off with $108,000 in jewelry. Police say their crime lab is working on it.

This is very, very shocking and scary news, people. Kourtney Kardashian had $108,000 in jewelry? How? From walking around looking pregnant? Doubtful.

Was there more to Madonna firing her trainer than we knew? Page Six has word of a million dollar lawsuit against Tracy Anderson, the woman credited with maintaining the Material Mom’s figure. Ex-boyfriend Glynn Barber says he invested heavily in Anderson’s fitness ventures, receiving only a “Dear John” letter in return. “She used her female charms to manipulate me to invest $1 million in her company,” says Barber.

And that’s not all! According to the ex, jilted in 2007, Tracy’s full of lies, magic and poisonous venom. “I was an easy target. She told me she was a Power Ranger. She told me she was in the musical ‘Cats’ for four years…None of this turned out to be true. I wish there was some way to inform her new boyfriend that he is playing with ‘The Cobra.’ Tracy absolutely has some voodoo capability.” Guess Madonna should watch out for sharp pains and snake bites, too.

Curvy women have no place on the catwalk, German fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld said:

“No one wants to see curvy women,” Lagerfeld said. “You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying thin models are ugly.” Fashion is about “dreams and illusions.”

Whenever I read a cunt-covered quote from our Uncle Karl, I immediately bring up a picture of Fat Karl.