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In news that’s sure to shock you, new footage of singer Amy Winehouse snorting illegal drugs surfaced over the weekend. I’ll give you a moment to collect yourself. Breathing into a paper bag sometimes helps. The News of the World states

The troubled Back to Black star was secretly filmed hoovering up the Class A drug in a packed London pub… in Camden last month while standing in front of a Union Jack flag. Desperate for a fix, the singer is seen snorting the cocaine off a CD case in full view of partygoers.

In other equally shocking news, the Earth is round and Zac Efron is gayer than rainbow Christmas. Further bulletins as events warrant!

Amy Winehouse performed at the V festival in Essex, England over the weekend, oh, and you’ll never guess how it went. The Daily Mail says…

Her stuttering performance saw hordes of fan stream away from the main stage … she was sallow-faced and grubby with dark smears of make-up around her eye.
She coughed and spluttered her way through the set, forgetting the words to Back to Black and mumbling to herself between songs.
The 24-year-old dedicated Wake Up Alone to husband Blake Fielder-Civil, who is serving a 27-month prison sentence, which prompted a smattering of boos from the crowd.

Day 2 of the festival was sort of better for Winehouse, but not really; she did manage to make a funny. Winehouse told the audience:

“You’re a really nuts crowd. I’m not on drugs, honest. So boo you guys for yesterday.”

If Winehouse is off the bad shit for good, then the entire drug industry would collapse. Half of South America would close for business. Here’s more of Wino looking like a cracked out version of the scab I just picked off while performing at the V Festival.

The Crackie of Camden aka Amy Winehouse was back to ruling the streets last night, with her goddaughter in tow. It’s never to early to the learn the ways of the crackie.

The Sun UK has a video up this morning showing Amy Winehouse cursing and slapping a middle-aged woman in the face after she passes her in the street. Because, you know, why wouldn’t she?

The troubled singer was out and about in Camden when a passer-by grabbed her, seemingly concerned for her health.
But Amy lashed out at the middle-aged woman – giving her a hard slap and screaming: “Let f***ing go of me, d***head.”
As she walked away, Amy carried on shouting at her victim, calling her a “f***ing bitch”.

The people of Camden should know better than to go out at night when there’s a crackie on the prowl. That middle-aged woman had it coming! You can probably see her crack hive coming a mile away. That’s your warning to head indoors, lock up and immediately hide your ice pops, light bulbs and spoons. The Crackie of Camden is on the loose!