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Britney Spears new 90 minute MTV documentary “Britney: For The Record” features behind-the-scenes footage of her talking candidly about her life these past two years. And by “talking candidly,” I of course mean “whining like the ungrateful little twat she is.” The Daily Mail quotes her saying of her new life

“There’s no excitement, there’s no passion. I have really good days, and then I have bad days. Even when you go to jail, y’know, there’s the time when you’re gonna get out. But in this situation, it’s never ending. It’s just like Groundhog Day every day. I think it’s too in control. If I wasn’t under the restraints I’m under, I’d feel so liberated. When I tell them the way I feel, it’s like they hear but they’re really not listening.

If you do something wrong in your work, you can move on, but I’m having to pay for a long time. I never wanted to become one of those prisoner people. I always wanted to feel free. I think I’ve learn my lesson now and enough is enough.”

Yes, there certainly was a lot more “passion” and “excitement” back in the good ol’ days when she was shaving herself bald, holding her children hostage and eating food laced with psychotropic drugs. Can’t argue with that. Poor, poor Britney.

The above image is a “promotional photo” for Britney Spears upcoming disc Circus. Her skin looks exactly like that of a new Barbie right out of the box. You know, it probably is Barbie’s body, Jamie Lynn’s face and Jessica Simpson’s weave. If I didn’t smell the strong scent of crusty Frapp, I would’ve never guessed this was Britney.

With Britney Spears on the cusp of a full blown comeback with a No. 1 single on the charts, a hot new video, a revamped body and a highly anticipated album due just in time for the Holidays, the singer has announced to close friends that she will have a complete mental breakdown in November.

“I don’t think she’s happy with the media coverage even though things are going great. The number of paparazzi has dramatically decreased since she pulled herself together,” said an insider. “She’s no longer the top story on entertainment news shows and even traditional news media. Even the tabloids have barely covered her over the last few months. She needs to do something to change all that.”

Insiders say Spears has already made an appointment at Esther’s Hair Salon in Tarzana, California to have her hair extensions taken out by shaving her hair completely off. Spears has also purchased a brand new umbrella to attack the paparazzi. The singer also had a Brazilian wax as she plans to expose her vagina again starting next month. She also placed a call to LAPD to reserve one of the county’s nicest ambulances to take her to the hospital when she calls 911 next month after breaking down completely.