Rihanna and her ridiculous hair are making the publicity rounds to open up about how Chris Brown attacked her last February, even giving a weepy interview to Diane Sawyer later this week. Because, of course she fucking is. Glamour also got in on a piece of the action:

It has taught me so much. I felt like I went to sleep as Rihanna and woke up as Britney Spears. That was the level of media chaos that happened the next day. It was like, What, there are helicopters circling my house? There are 100 people in my cul-de-sac? What do you mean, I can’t go back home?

You know who probably feels really good about that statement? Britney Spears. Yeah, I know what she was getting at, but still. Sure, Britney may have married a gold-digging loser, dated a skeevy paparazzi, lost her kids and went crazycakes for awhile – but she sure as hell didn’t let no man put his hands on her. Not that any man would be dumb enough to try, mind you. That’s why God invented hornet’s nests and sticks.

Britney Spears new single called 3 got it’s first official airplay on US radio this morning. It’s off of her second greatest hits collection! Yes, Brit Brit is putting out another greatest hits collection . . .

It’s same old, same old shit!

Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears were seen out together at the Grand Star Jazz Club in Los Angeles Sunday evening. So much for sobriety and sanity! Adding Lindsay Lohan to Britney Spears is basically like adding whatever it is that you add to baking soda to make one of those volcanos when you were a kid. What? Science wasn’t my strong suite, OKAY?