Thanks to the quick work of the LAPD, Paris Hilton will live to see the age of 30. Thanks a lot LAPD. TMZ says:

Law enforcement confirms that a man in his 40s was arrested at Hilton’s home around 6:30 AM. He was hauled off to a local jail.

Paris told police the man was banging on the windows of the home, but never actually entered the place.

Paris was told the man was considered “armed and dangerous” — and that she was “lucky” the guy didn’t get inside.

Paris didn’t know the man. It’s unclear if the guy targeted her or if it was a random incident.

She later tweeted that the guy was wielding two big knives (or “knifes,” as it were), so that’s probably what went wrong. You’re gonna need a free hand to distract her with a mirror, and then later when you pin her to the ground by her throat. Unless you’re the blue Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle or that guy at the bazaar in Raiders of the Lost Ark, two knives is just one knife too many.

Wait that’s not a hooker, that’s Paris Hilton! It’s amazing that I can’t tell the difference between an heiress sex tape star and a street walker.

Here’s more pictures of Paris. I can’t guarantee that you won’t catch the herp from them.

Pot Princess Paris Hilton enjoyed a little fun in the sun, while vacationing in Sardinia and felt free to do a little topless sunbathing. . . because, of course, paparazzi would never try to capture a celebrity without her top on. The attention-lover also couldn’t resist rubbing all of our noses in her filthy rich lifestyle. “Our yacht is incredible!” her royal high-ness tweeted, as if you needed another reason to hate her.

“Has its own pool, hot tub, movie theatre, recording studio, spa/massage room, gym, arcade room, helicopter pad and the most beautiful bedrooms and decor,” she continued. “I’m in Heaven on the water. Definitely the biggest and best yacht everywhere we go. Loves it! Huge!”

Considering she’s been busted for pot twice in one month, I’m willing to bet Paris was having a very good time testing out all the amenities on her yacht. But here’s hoping she steered clear of the recording studio. I’ve listened to her album in its entirety. . . and there are just some things you can’t un-hear.