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Paris Hilton has finally dumped Benji Madden after nine long herpetic months together. Us Weekly quotes a source as saying

“Benji was overprotective and controlling. He doesn’t get along with any of her friends. Friends thought Paris had changed since being with Benji and she wants to be herself again.

Benji really respected her. They will be friends forever.”

He really “respected” her? Well, that’s your problem right there. Most guys usually just infected her. Those extra couple of letters really make all the difference in the world.

Paris Hilton, tired of her sham relationship with Benji Madden or just tired of Benji Madden in general, was reunited with ex-boyfriend Stavros Niachros at Miami nightclub Mokai on Saturday night. An eye witness says the heiress arrived at 2:30 AM and that the two “were all over each other. They were at the same table for about an hour and then they left together. It didn’t seem like Benji was on her mind at all!” Benji, blissfully unaware, was with his brother to take part in the last episode of TRL the next day.

I sure hope Benji isn’t upset Paris ran into one of her exes. That bitch would have to travel to the deepest jungles of Borneo to find a guy that hadn’t banged her before . . . or the Castro District in San Francisco. If Paris did hook up with Stavros, Benji shouldn’t be too surprised. Confucius used to explain it best when he said, “Girl who like anal, always end up with Greek”.

It’s stories like these that bring a smile to my face, a sparkle to my eye, and warmth to my cold, dead heart. From the Daily Mail:

London club Whisky Mist had a royal flush of VIPs last night, including princes William and Harry, princesses Beatrice and Eugenie - and US pop-culture royalty Paris Hilton and Christina Aguilera . . . Paris was delighted when she turned up around 2am to discover the two young princes were also in the VIP area. Harry was sitting with two male friends at a table, and Paris headed over in a bid to get his attention. But Harry was having none of it. He tried to ignore her, concentrating on his pals instead, but the hotel heiress is nothing if not persistent.

An onlooker said: “It was quite funny to watch. Harry clearly didn’t want to speak to her but she did a sexy dance in front of him and he finally stood up to shake her hand. He then just wandered off, and Paris looked a bit annoyed.

Well, no shit. I mean, theoretically, Harry and William have their veritable pick from any number of inbred Princesses across the continent of Europe. And you know how that old British saying goes: an heiress with extra fingers on her hand is better than one with crabs in the bush. I think Henry the Eighth said that.

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