Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt hit Bowlmor Lanes in Manhattan last night for the opening of the new club Carnival last night, giving the pair plenty of priceless photo ops, including a make-out session with Bentley The Chimpanzee.

You know . . . That thing is probably just ridden with diseases and parasites. I sure hope someone at least made that monkey wash its hands after it was finished touching Paris Hilton. BAZINGA! Seriously, these things basically write themselves.

Paris Hilton, her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt and her braided hair have entered the island of Bora Bora. The warrior princess was dressed in typical fighting gear, a sparkly headband and a string bikini. It is unknown what Paris Hilton wants with the island, although it is suspected that she is looking to build a new Hilton hotel over important wildlife habitat and rename the island “Whora Whora.” Local men should be on the look out for this predator after dark. Paris Hilton is very familiar with invasions, so stay tuned for additonal updates as the come in.

Is she trying to kiss him or deepthroat his face? Not sexy at all. The way I see it, there are only two reasonable excuses why anyone should kiss like this. Either if you saw a glob of spaghetti sauce on your partner’s chin and wanted to clean it off … Or, if you’re a golden retriever. Period. Sure, “Hey everyone, look at me, I’m such a disgusting whore” is technically an excuse, but I did specify “reasonable.”