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Roseanne Barr, who I once had a modicum of respect for, has taken to her blog in an effort, one can only assume, to gain quick entrance into VH1’s next celebreality television show, “Celebrity Asylum.” Indeed, only a couple of months after suggesting that Barack Obama is “an empty suit selling ‘hope’ in lieu of Truth” who supports “corporate racist anti worker bullshit,” she has now seen fit to go after Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in a post addressed to Jon Voight:

Your evil spawn Angelina Jolie and her vacuous hubby Brad Pitt make about $40 million a year in violent, psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children, trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more.

Point being: If you’re going to talk shit about celebrities, Roseanne, pick someone worthy of scorn, like say: Spencer and Heidi, who donate nothing but stupidity to humanity. At least Jolie and Pitt make an effort.

Something tells me Saint Angelina read Rosie’s rant, picked up her golden phone, hit speed dial #1 and said, “God? It’s me, Saint Angelina. You know Roseanne Barr? Take care of it.”

I wonder how much Angelina Jolie got paid to be the face of Massage Hoop? Hopefully a lot because that will haunt her for the rest of her life.

This is insane. I have to get to the Dollar General immediately. If they have Britney Spears hairbrushes or Amy Winehouse teeth whitening cream, I’d die and go to heaven.

Below is also an “MP34″ player with Katie on the box.

Remember last month when Entertainment Tonight reported that Angelina had her twins. Except she didn’t. Well a French magazine is reporting that Angelina Jolie gave birth to her twins yesterday morning. Except maybe she didn’t. Closer magazine said:

En exclusivite mondiale, Closer est en mesure de vous annoncer qu’Angelina Jolie aurait accouché ce matin dans un hôpital français ! La star serait rentrée hier soir en salle de travail. Toute reproduction interdite sans la mention du site closermag.fr

You probably realized that was all in French, but being devoted editor I am, I took the liberty of translating it for you. It reads:

I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper Americans. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Of course, that’s not word-for-word. Some French words don’t translate into the English language as well as others.