George Clooney’s new girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis has the kind of body that makes grown men weep like a baby. Presumably so they can use their own tears as lubricant while they’re jerking off in front of a computer.

Avril Lavigne was on a yacht in St. Tropez the other day, and man, I have to ask her where she got her necklace. I think it really brings out her eyes.

You may have heard something about Omer Bhatti, the 25-year-old from Norway many suspect to be Michael Jackson’s secret son. Well, Joe Jackson today confirmed that it’s true.

“Yes, I knew he had another son, yes I did,” Joe Jackson told NewsOne/TVOne of the alleged love child. “He looks like a Jackson, acts like a Jackson, can dance like a Jackson. This boy is a fantastic dancer.”

What Joe really wants to know is if Omer can make money like a Jackson? I think The Jackson 3 just became The Jackson 4! Joe’s waving his pimp hand around Omer’s head! If you look directly into Joe’s eyes and don’t turn to stone, you’ll see little glittery dollar signs forming in his pupils.