Hundreds of “highly intimate” images of French First Lady Carla Bruni and an ex-lover were stolen over the weekend while she and President Nicolas Sarkozy were on an official trip to Spain. Vivre le vagin! According to Daily Mail:

On Sunday night thieves broke into the flat of actor Julien Enthoven, who is [Carla's former lover] Raphael Enthoven’s younger brother. Raphael entrusted the pictures to his brother because he did not want them to embarrass his new partner or Mr. Sarkozy, said a detective working on the case.

‘The thieves appeared to know exactly what they were looking for – taking highly intimate prints, a camera full of further images, videos, and numerous computer files,’ said the source. ‘Nothing else was taken.’

Police now fear that thieves could take advantage of Miss Bruni’s status as an international sex symbol by selling the pictures for hundreds of thousands of pounds, [or] they could be posted on the web so as to cause maximum embarrassment to Mr. Sarkozy.

The only problem with that plan is everybody has already seen Carla Bruni naked. Granted, maybe no one’s seen her on all fours with a ball gag in her mouth begging for cheese and crackers, something which could potentially be on the tapes, but really, aren’t there more important celebrities you’d rather fantasize about? Like Jessica Alba, Angelina Jolie and me. Come on, ladies. I’m available.

Sharon’s always denied having implants, but when you drop this much weight and your chest looks bolted on for dear life, there’s no hiding it. To prove my point, for a good twenty minutes I thought I was looking at Dolly Parton on meth. True story.

I really have no idea what the movie Jonah Hex is about, but evidently Megan Fox is in it. Based on these pictures taken from the set, I’m assuming the movie is a heartwarming tale about a wolverine and a squirrel that become friends on a dangerous journey home across America. Or, you know, something about Old West prostitutes. It’s anybody’s guess, really.