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Despite the pleas of men the world over, Megan Fox is still planning on marrying 90210 douche Brian Austin Green. Brian told People Magazine at GQ’s Woman of the Year bash on Tuesday:

“[The ceremony will be] small. We might have a few people there. Don’t expect a lot of press hoopla surrounding [the] big day… You might hear about it the week after.”

Brian Austin Green better have a donkey-sized penis, because that’s about the only thing that could make this union credible. Either a giant wiener, or maybe sole possession of a ring forged in the fires of Mount Doom by the Elven smiths of Eregion. It’s the only way this makes any goddamn sense.

After months of speculation, Megan Fox has announced that she’s ended her engagement with former “90210″ star Brian Austin Green.

Sources claim the pretty brunette, 22, sent business associates correspondence last week alerting them to the sad news. An insider says, “Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realizes she’s too young to marry him.”

Or maybe she just realized that she’s Megan Fox and he’s Brian Austin fucking Green. This is perfect! It’ll free up Brian to make a cameo in the new 90210 where he belongs, and Megan will be free to date hotter, more relevant guys.

What happened to Brian Austin Green?! Him and his super hot girlfriend Megan Fox hit the red carpet last night in L.A. for the premiere of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. This girl is so sexy she could wear a plastic garbage bag and still look good.