Michael Jackson died on June 25th, and it may seem odd that his family hasn’t buried him yet, but remember this: the Jacksons are a bunch of fucking retards. But now, just 71 days after his death, MSNBC says today may be the day.

Michael Jackson’s burial will finally take place at Glendale Forest Lawn Memorial Park on Thursday. He’ll be laid to rest near many of his longtime heroes, such as Walt Disney and Nat King Cole.
Aside from immediate family, expect Jackson family confidants, such as Rev. Al Sharpton, to attend the 4 p.m. PT burial.
As for the ceremony itself, “it won’t be a religious one,” according to the family source. “The kids (Paris, Prince and Blanket) might say something, too, but the plan is to have (Jackson’s brother) Randy deliver the eulogy.”
The family has said it wants this to be a private event; however, sources close to the clan say to expect to see “private” portions surface on the A&E reality show about the Jackson brothers that is currently being taped.

Of course it’s gonna be filmed for a TV show. Why wouldn’t it be. What’s the point in burying someone if you can’t make any money off it? They probably had to wait so long to finish a Michael mannequin to go in the coffin, because Joe ground his bones into a powder months ago. He stirs it up as a drink and sells it to aspiring singers. If you want Joe to wear a big scary witch doctors mask while you stand in a circle of candles on the spot where Michael died as you drink it, that’s extra.

Macaulay Culkin is reportedly the biological father of Blanket, Michael Jackson’s 7-year-old son, thanks to the miracle of in vitro fertilization. Culkin allegedly donated sperm to Michael when he was 21. Yeah I bet he did. It sounds like the cops showed up one day and Michael had to explain why there was a bowl of a young boys semen in his fridge.

After waiting over two months for toxicology results, the L.A. County Coroner just announced the cause of Michael Jackson’s death.

The death was ruled a homicide!

And, the official cause of death was due to Acute Propofol intoxication – along with the possibly contributing Benzodiazepine effect.

Benzodiazepines are drugs used to treat anxiety and insomnia, of which Lorazepam (Ativan), Midazolam (Versed), Diazepam (Valium), Lidocaine (topical anesthetic) and Ephedrine (used to treat hypotension associated with anesthesia) were found in his system.

Per the LAPD, the complete Coroner’s report will not be released due to security measures.

The Jackson family just released a statement:

“The Jackson family again wishes to commend the actions of the Coroner, the LAPD and other law enforcement agencies, and looks forward to the day that justice can be served.”