VIPRUMOR.com

The Sun was right. Madonna’s spokeswhore just confirmed that her marriage is done. Finished. Kaput. Over. Through. You get it.

Guy Ritchie finally pulled his peen out of her super grip and now he’s single. This also means that Madonna has been released from her cage. Mothers, hold on to your 20-something sons, Madonna is coming for them!

Madona’s rep Liz Rosenberg said they are divorcing after nearly 8 years of marriage. She went on to say that the two want privacy (HA!) and a settlement has not been reached. They will probably settle it in a wrestling cage match. Madonna is giving Guy some time to train, because she knows very well that her muscled-up vagina lips alone could beat him.

Now that Madonna will no longer be married to an Englishman, can she please drop the fucking British accent?! Please!

In Madonna Is A Stupid, Irrelevant Turd Who Tries Too Hard News part one billiondey, Madonna made a statement at a New Jersey stop on her “Sticky & Sweet” tour “banning” Sarah Palin from attending any of her concerts. Oooh.

She told the crowd: “Sarah Palin can’t come to my party. Sarah Palin can’t come to my show. It’s nothing personal,” before adding, “Here’s the sound of Sarah Palin’s husband’s snowmobile when it won’t start,” followed by a loud screeching noise.

I’m sure the governor will be crushed… Because if there’s one thing I see when I look at Sarah Palin, it’s an inner gay man clawing his way to get out. Maybe Kathy Griffin or Liza Minelli will be a little less discriminating in who attends their performances.

God only knows why, but Madonna wore little more than some black Nike Shox and a bathrobe that said “Dancing Queen” on the back as she went through security at Schoenefeld airport in Berlin, Germany last night. If one of us wore this shit, airport security would tackle us to the ground, spread our cheeks and check our no-no holes for anything illegal. Wait. I’m wearing a bathrobe the next time I go to the airport.