Damn, I’ve never seen Mariah so drunk and Nick so happy. Someone that night didn’t have to ask permission to have sex!

Mariah Carey was shooting a music video in this awful swimsuit that looks like it was crudely fashioned out of a Hefty bag. Now, I’m not gonna give Mariah shit for gaining weight because she got married last year and everyone knows you gain new relationship weight when you’re all happy and lovely-dovey and shit. Plus, you know, Nick Cannon most likely doesn’t mind since it’s a scientific fact that black dudes like girls with a little extra meat on their bones.

But come on, she looks like King Kong Bundy in that thing. There’s “unflattering,” and then there’s taking the word flattering and shooting it in the face with an ugly shotgun.

Mariah Carey went on Oprah last week to hawk her new crappy album, and of course she dragged along her little kiss-ass husband Nick Cannon on the stage so they could prove their love to the masses before his back gave out. The Daily Mail says

They shared an exaggerated smooch as Nick bent her over, before an uncomfortable looking Mariah stopped him, saying: ‘Don’t drop me!’

That picture reminds me of this joke I once heard: How fat is Mariah Carey? Mariah Carey’s so fat, she fell in love — and it broke. Ha ha!