I like when women wear their bag straps across their chest, it really highlights the front end, but it’s always better when it’s a little chilly and you can see just a hint of nipple. But in Lisa Rinna’s case it scares the shit out of me, those are some gigantic fucking nipples, they’re like a couple of golf balls under there. She must have had them enlarged to match her big fake tits, I’m a little freaked out, in a good way of course.

So here she is at the signing of Rinnavation, which was titled as such because there’s a rule that celebrity biographies have to have a bad pun using the celebrity’s name or some other pertinent fact about the celebrity in the title. It doesn’t even have to make sense. I’m telling you, if they didn’t work backwards from the title on this one then that bitch’s face is real.

Entertainment Tonight asked celebrities about the biggest letdown of the year and somehow Lisa Rinna manged to get her say in. Her whole family has had it except her, she claims.

“I believe we all, except for myself, had the swine flu at our house,” Lisa tells ET about her ill family. “How do you know it’s the swine flu? I don’t know but we had all the symptoms.”

“We had it before it came out. …We had it at our house, I believe, and everyone is fine,” the actress explained to ET at the LG Rumorous Night with Heidi Klum event on Tuesday.

We had it before it came out? Is she tickling our asses? Isn’t Lisa kind of admitting that she’s the cause of it all? Everyone had except for Lisa, because she IS the swine flu. I mean, it makes sense. Her lips look like the swollen anal glands of a pot-bellied pig. Except these swollen anal glands still manage to push out caca nuggets. Yes, I do believe Lisa Rinna is the swine flu. Quarantine the bitch!