Hey girls, do you remember when you were younger and you got bored and you totally cut off all the hair of your Barbie doll? Well when I saw Kelly Osbourne with her new hairstyle, it reminded me of what that Barbie doll looked like after that haircut. And Kelly made it even easier for me to remember because her makeup looks like the stuff I drew on that same Barbie doll’s face with red and black felt pens.

Kelly Osbourne turned herself in to the police. She was charged with “common assault relating to an alleged incident in Soho in the early hours of August 29, 2008.” Kelly supposedly slapped Zoe Griffin at Punk nightclub because she made fun of her fiancé, Luke Worrall, for not knowing what an earthquake was. Hint: It’s what Kelly sets off every times she rolls out of bed. Kelly told Zoe:

“I have an issue with you. My boyfriend knows what an earthquake is and everyone has been laughing at him and he’s upset.”

Kelly was released on bail and has a court date in March. Until then, she will continue lumbering around London casually terrorizing residents like the pasty white dog-eating monster that she is.

Check this out: NineMSN says,

Big-mouthed Kelly Osbourne couldn’t help firing out a round of verbal abuse towards fellow guests at New York Fashion week, lashing out the ‘fake’ friendship of Victoria Beckham and Jennifer Lopez.
“I know it’s not my place to say… but I’ve never seen two people pretend to like each other more in my life. They were holding hands, but it looked like Victoria was holding a s***ty bit of toilet paper,” she confided, not very subtly, to Heat magazine.

BOO-YAH! That had to be the highlight of the show amidst all the air-kissing and pretentious clothing. High five, Kelly!