Kelly Osbourne debuted a new shiner this week. Photographers snapped Kelly leaving her London apartment with a huge black eye and a bandage over her temple. A faulty cupboard is to blame for Kelly Osbourne’s jacked up eye. Kelly was at home with a “stomach bug” (aka mega diarrhea) when she went to grab a glass from her kitchen cupboard. The bitch must be strong because the entire cabinet came crashing down on her, cutting her temple and busting up her eye. I fucking bet you that cupboard came from Ikea and Ozzy Osbourne installed it.

Her spokesman Gary Farrow said:

“She was suffering from a stomach upset all weekend, which meant she couldn’t go out anywhere, and then this happened. She is fine now, though.”

Here’s more of busted up Kelly with her pretty boyfriend on their way to the doctor’s office.

Kelly Osbourne stumbling home last night after partying at the Mahiki Club in London. She walked across the street to her house and walked into a wall. Been there, done that. At least she got into her house. Kudos for not driving, Kelly!

Bitch is drunk! That’s the worst kind of drunk, when your mouth dries up and your eyeballs won’t focus and you start sweating. Eww.
Here’s Kelly being escorted out of Punk nightclub in London. She had been partying with her friend Kate Moss and Kate’s guy Jamie Hince of the Kills.

Seriously man, this club must be hot. I imagine people fall over themselves to party with a washed up model and her fat drunk friend. I would drink with these two slags in a heartbeat. Not Kelly’s mom though, because that woman would stab ya as soon as she looks at ya. She sends shit in the mail!