Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law isn’t hitting theaters until Christmastimes, but there’s already a trailer out. Guy Ritchie sold out to the man and the result doesn’t look that awful. I mean, this isn’t the Sherlock Holmes isn’t at all likes the books. This has a lot of fighting, hard nipples, lost hairlines, explosions, cliche slow-mo shit and silly British accents! Seriously, his accent is kind of funny. I bet Madonnna’s roidy-pussay sounds like that when it’s had too much champagne. That was Guy’s inspiration.

Madonna and Guy Ritchie finalized their divorce today at a court in London. The two were granted a so-called “quickie divorce.” Madonna listed the reason for the split as Guy’s “continuing unreasonable behavior.” Whatever bitch. You want to know what’s unreasonable? Five hour workouts every day. Muscles aren’t supposed to develop muscles. You want to know what else is unreasonable? Having any kind of fun is unreasonable! She should have just wrote that he didn’t follow THE CONTRACT! “Contract, Guy, contract. You didn’t follow it.”

The Sun was right. Madonna’s spokeswhore just confirmed that her marriage is done. Finished. Kaput. Over. Through. You get it.

Guy Ritchie finally pulled his peen out of her super grip and now he’s single. This also means that Madonna has been released from her cage. Mothers, hold on to your 20-something sons, Madonna is coming for them!

Madona’s rep Liz Rosenberg said they are divorcing after nearly 8 years of marriage. She went on to say that the two want privacy (HA!) and a settlement has not been reached. They will probably settle it in a wrestling cage match. Madonna is giving Guy some time to train, because she knows very well that her muscled-up vagina lips alone could beat him.

Now that Madonna will no longer be married to an Englishman, can she please drop the fucking British accent?! Please!