VIPRUMOR.com

The Sun was right. Madonna’s spokeswhore just confirmed that her marriage is done. Finished. Kaput. Over. Through. You get it.

Guy Ritchie finally pulled his peen out of her super grip and now he’s single. This also means that Madonna has been released from her cage. Mothers, hold on to your 20-something sons, Madonna is coming for them!

Madona’s rep Liz Rosenberg said they are divorcing after nearly 8 years of marriage. She went on to say that the two want privacy (HA!) and a settlement has not been reached. They will probably settle it in a wrestling cage match. Madonna is giving Guy some time to train, because she knows very well that her muscled-up vagina lips alone could beat him.

Now that Madonna will no longer be married to an Englishman, can she please drop the fucking British accent?! Please!

Sharon Stone has the courage to drag another poor animal on to the red carpet with her just so she can look better. She’s so proud of herself too. The woman never misses an opportunity to wear animal. Oh wait, that’s not roadkill? It’s Madonna?

As much as it pains me to say this, Madonna doesn’t look that awful. Ouch. Yes, that was painful to type. If you squint your eyes, she sort of looks like an Olsen.

Sharon Stone however, is the lesbian cougar of my dreams!

Here’s Madonna, Sharon and Guy Ritchie at the Cannes premiere of “I Am Because We Are.”

Madonna said in a radio interview last week that her husband Guy Ritchie went through a period of not wanting to have sex because he was on “The Cookie Diet,” in which the dieter is supposed eat nothing but four cookies a day for three weeks straight.

So yeah, I don’t know what eating cookies has to do with not having sex with Madonna either, but clearly Guy is mighty desperate to be getting this creative. I guess there’s only so many times you can use the ol’ headache alibi to explain why your penis left behind a GONE FISHIN’ note and cloud of dust when it got the hell out of dodge. I guess the old saying is true: “Avoiding servicing the Beast is the mother of invention.”

Here’s Madonna leaving her London gym.