George Clooney’s new girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis has the kind of body that makes grown men weep like a baby. Presumably so they can use their own tears as lubricant while they’re jerking off in front of a computer.

If any of you ladies out there had to change your underpants after viewing these photos of George Clooney, don’t worry, it’s a perfectly natural reaction. For anyone whose turn-ons include “men who smoke pipes” and “men who smoke pipes while wearing smoking jackets and drinking brandy out of elaborate crystal decanters,” anyway.

Silver-haired rake George Clooney has once again found his way back to ex-girlfriend Krista Allen of “Baywatch” and “Emmanuelle” fame. My guess is that his penis led the way. For those of you counting, this would be their third attempt in less than six years. According to Rush and Molloy:

“George and Krista dated for close to two years, till Allen broke it off in March 2004. He moved on to model Lisa Snowden, but then he and Krista tried again in 2006. After that, he dated Sarah Larson, cocktail waitress and “Fear Factor” winner, for most of a year. Throughout, says a friend, “Krista has always been there for him. She admits she just can’t get over him.” And something about Krista brings him back. “George really loves her,” says the source. A relationship with Krista, 37, would mean a ready-made family for George, 47, who once vowed that he wouldn’t remarry or have children by the time he was 50. Krista has an 11-year-old son, Jake, with production manager Justin Moritt. But it may not be an issue. Says the source, “George adores Krista’s son.”

Krista Allen has been hot forever, George Clooney looks like he’d still be getting choice vagina even if he wasn’t “George Clooney,” and they seem to have some sort of connection, so I really have nothing bad to say. Unless of course you’re counting what I’ve been saying about that shirt you keep wearing. Dude, seriously. Fubu? What’s up with that?

These are naked and NSFW: