George Clooney seemed almost bemused when a female fan waddled in front of his bike while on a ride through Portofino, Italy today. He didn’t stop, of course, because she’s unattractive. I do the same thing. If he was a real biker he would’ve punched her in the ovaries. George missed out on extra points hitting her. I get 50 points for pets, 100 for the elderly, 500 for kids, and 1,000 for fatties.

George Clooney’s yacht stands an impressive 175 feet long and regularly makes stops along the French Riviera.

Pictured: Cindy Crawford topless in Italy with her husband and George Clooney.

Not pictured: The threesome you had with your hand and a Fleshlight last night.

After dating for nearly a year, George Clooney and Sarah Larson are calling it quits. Before dating Clooney, Larson was most famous for being a slutty Vegas cocktail waitress who loves licking magazines. An insider revealed to In Touch Weekly:

“George is relieved to be single again. He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her. The truth is they had little in common and he just doesn’t want to be tied down.”

Oh, I’m sure Georgie loves to be tied down. Tied down, gagged and stuffed. Just not by her.

George’s rep only said:

“I can only confirm that we have never commented on George’s personal life.” And I can only confirm that Georgie’s rep is a smart ass!

Sarah done fucked up! Bitch was supposed to follow my detailed instructions. All she had to do was get knocked up! Shit, she could have even lied to him and said she was carrying his child! Go out and get pregnant by the local homeless man and pass the baby off as George’s. Pull some scandalous shit to secure your future!