Celebrity Big Brother is where once famous people go to live out their miserable existence. It’s like a retirement home for has-beens. Well, Verne Troyer is in the house this season and yesterday, they forced him and other contestants to dress in a bear suit and eat a pot of honey. I think the results speak for themselves. Best show ever? Yes, best show ever.

Mini Me’s sex tape partner Ranae Shrider is actually talking about having sex with the Mini Me. Ranae told News of the World:

“I never imagined one day I’d date a man who barely came up to my kneecaps. But as soon as I met Verne I was so captivated by his personality, his size didn’t seem to matter. I liked him so much I even gave up wearing high heels for six months.”

“But sex was very different from anything I’d experienced before, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was tricky making everything work. I had to kneel down just to give him a hug. And anything but the traditional missionary position was just impossible. So I’d lie on the bed and Verne would crawl up my legs to have sex with me. And as he did it his feet would be tickling my knees!”

“It wasn’t quite as passionate as sex with a normal-sized man but he did his best. He didn’t wear a condom. There was no point, they’re all too big. On the whole though, he wasn’t short of sexy skills and tried his hardest to make up in technique what he lacked in size.”

In the future, Verne can take solace in knowing that his condoms won’t be too small if he wears them the correct way — over his head.

Mini-Me picked up his mini-phone, called his mini-lawyers and ordered them to file a not-so-mini lawsuit against TMZ. Mini-Me is suing over that super sexy tape of him doing fuckey fuckey times with some pony lady.

In the lawsuit filed yesterday, he claims TMZ “violated his privacy rights and infringed on his copyright and trademark by running portions of the tape” on their website. According to Mini, the sexay tape was stolen by a mini-burglar!

He is asking for $20 million and wants the court to stop the distribution of this porn masterpiece.