Goth rocker Marilyn Manson will have to spend the next few days resting in his coffin, cos he has been felled by a potentially deadly virus.

Marilyn said:

“So I have officially been diagnosed, by a real doctor, with THE SWINE FLU. I know everyone will suggest that fucking a pig is how this disease was obtained. However, the doctor said, my past choices in women have in no way contributed to me acquiring this mysterious sickness. Unfortunately, I am going to survive.”

I would never suggest that Marilyn got it by boning a pig. However, I would suggest that he got it from doing massive amounts of oral with chocolate covered bacon, chicharrónes, Honey Baked ham and pig pie.

Entertainment Tonight asked celebrities about the biggest letdown of the year and somehow Lisa Rinna manged to get her say in. Her whole family has had it except her, she claims.

“I believe we all, except for myself, had the swine flu at our house,” Lisa tells ET about her ill family. “How do you know it’s the swine flu? I don’t know but we had all the symptoms.”

“We had it before it came out. …We had it at our house, I believe, and everyone is fine,” the actress explained to ET at the LG Rumorous Night with Heidi Klum event on Tuesday.

We had it before it came out? Is she tickling our asses? Isn’t Lisa kind of admitting that she’s the cause of it all? Everyone had except for Lisa, because she IS the swine flu. I mean, it makes sense. Her lips look like the swollen anal glands of a pot-bellied pig. Except these swollen anal glands still manage to push out caca nuggets. Yes, I do believe Lisa Rinna is the swine flu. Quarantine the bitch!