Sharon Stone posed topless, showing off her extremely fake-looking rack for France’s Paris Match magazine, which I’m assuming is some kind of catalog for the transsexual sadist. Browse such erotic novelties as the Pegasus Leather Gag Mask with Adjustable Velcro Closures and the Show No Mercy Latex Peephole Brief while reading about Sharon Stone’s body confidence at the age of 50!

Sharon’s always denied having implants, but when you drop this much weight and your chest looks bolted on for dear life, there’s no hiding it. To prove my point, for a good twenty minutes I thought I was looking at Dolly Parton on meth. True story.

Most of us know that Sharon Stone, who was most recently dating a 24-year-old, is clearly insane by now. But apparently Slumdog Millionaire’s Dev Patel didn’t get the memo, because when Stone was flirting with him at the BAFTA awards this past Sunday he was flattered and not horrifically repulsed.

He says, “Sharon’s great, she’s been flirting with me all night. She was chasing me around earlier, slapping me. Sharon Stone! Can you believe it?”

A 50-year-old woman chasing around an 18-year-old and slapping him? Yes, I can believe it was Sharon Stone. In fact, if it wasn’t Sharon Stone, the only other options I can think of would be Madonna or the actual mother of an 18-year-old whose son got busted trying to buy a keg with a fake ID.

Court documents obtained by TMZ in the bitter custody case taking place between Sharon Stone and ex-husband Phil Bronstein in regards to their son Roan Bronstein.

According to the docs, Sharon has a chronic issue of overreacting to medical situations in reference to her son. One such example is “that Mother suggested that Roan should have Botox injections in his feet to resolve a problem he had with foot odor.”

Currently, Stone retains the custody of her son in which she had previously believed that she had lost.

Who are we to judge anyone else’s parenting methods? You know, I happened to be severely pigeon-toed growing up, and maybe if my parents would have shelled out for some surgery where they like cut my shins off at the knees and reattached them or some shit, I could have been spared nicknames like “Bowlegged Freak.” Maybe Sharon was just trying to spare her poor son from names like Stinky Pete and Skunk Foot.

Sharon Stone got off a boat in Cannes yesterday and flashed her…oh, I give up. I have no idea what the hell that is.

If there is every a congressional hearing about limiting the resolution of cameras, this photos will be all the evidence necessary. The photographer is still recovering at the Cannes Mental Health hospital, but is on suicide watch.

Sharon Stone has the courage to drag another poor animal on to the red carpet with her just so she can look better. She’s so proud of herself too. The woman never misses an opportunity to wear animal. Oh wait, that’s not roadkill? It’s Madonna?

As much as it pains me to say this, Madonna doesn’t look that awful. Ouch. Yes, that was painful to type. If you squint your eyes, she sort of looks like an Olsen.

Sharon Stone however, is the lesbian cougar of my dreams!

Here’s Madonna, Sharon and Guy Ritchie at the Cannes premiere of “I Am Because We Are.”

Sharon Stone took to the sidewalks of Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills wearing what my grandmother would call a “wild get-up.” Leather pants, dreadlock boa, and visible nips probably wouldn’t be considered proper outfit for a shopping expedition, but I guess there’s no point in mentioning that to Sharon; this woman is a walking fashion nightmare.

It’s nice to see Sharon Stone not wearing a dead fox, dog, rabbit, Chewbacca or Bigfoot on her body. However, Sharon is making big bucks just to show up at places. Apparently, 15 years later, people are still in awe about the time she showed her vagina in Basic Instinct, according to Page Six:

Insiders say she pulls $175,000 for a mere 30 minutes of face time at no charitable events. “Sharon is starting to attend store openings and corporate events. In return, she receives major cash,” said a source.

C’mon, she’s obnoxious. The only place I’d pay $175,000 for Sharon Stone to appear is the sun’s core. But only after I threw a nuclear missile into it like in Superman IV.

Here’s Sharon and some bearded friend going to lunch yesterday in Los Angeles.

Sharon Stone cannot go one day without wearing some kind of fur. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some fanatical anti-fur activist, but this lady cannot live without fur. She almost certainly wears fur panties, because she can’t spend a minute without dead flesh on her skin.

Sharon Stone’s an annoying slag but I have to give her credit, she looks much better than most of the other annoying slags that are half her age. Admit it, the bitch looks fuckin’ fantastic! Sure, Sharon has her ups and downs but lets all be honest with ourselves- most of us would kill to look like that or have a spouse that looks like that at 49! Sharon looks like she doesn’t give a fuck about anything or anyone.

This is Sharon at an event for the Make-A-Wish-Foundation last night in Miami. She was probably grimacing the entire evening having to walk around (or even sit) with a camel toe like that…