After dating for nearly a year, George Clooney and Sarah Larson are calling it quits. Before dating Clooney, Larson was most famous for being a slutty Vegas cocktail waitress who loves licking magazines. An insider revealed to In Touch Weekly:

“George is relieved to be single again. He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her. The truth is they had little in common and he just doesn’t want to be tied down.”

Oh, I’m sure Georgie loves to be tied down. Tied down, gagged and stuffed. Just not by her.

George’s rep only said:

“I can only confirm that we have never commented on George’s personal life.” And I can only confirm that Georgie’s rep is a smart ass!

Sarah done fucked up! Bitch was supposed to follow my detailed instructions. All she had to do was get knocked up! Shit, she could have even lied to him and said she was carrying his child! Go out and get pregnant by the local homeless man and pass the baby off as George’s. Pull some scandalous shit to secure your future!

In an interview in this week’s New Yorker, George Clooney says he hired his driver, a policeman, to track a mysterious caller who left a voicemail at his house, telling him to dump Sarah Larson. Page Six says:

On the voice mail, which Clooney plays to the mag’s Ian Parker in front of Larson for the first time, a calm, middle-age male voice is heard saying: “Dude, your friends asked me to give you a message: Dump the bitch before you’re sorry!” ‘”Before you’re sorry’?” a surprised Larson parrots, before launching into a diatribe about how she’s been raked over the coals in endless gossip over her relationship with Clooney. “They say that I’m a stripper. There’s a ton of stuff about that. I’ve never been a stripper. You know, just because I’m from Las Vegas, I must be a stripper. Because I’m a cocktail server, that means I’m an escort.”

Meanwhile, Larson’s ex-boyfriend, Tommy McKaughan, says Larson is always naked. He tells The Sun:

Sarah’s a total hippy at heart, heavily into all the spiritual, mystic stuff – crystals, tarot cards, healing. “And along with her witch-like charms she’s a brilliant fun girl with NO inhibitions. She loves nothing more than getting NAKED in a forest. “Some of our wildest nights were out in the woods romping in the grass and under canvas.” “Some of my favorite memories are of walking into Sarah’s cramped bedroom and finding her naked, surrounded by candles. “She’d tell me to lie on the bed as she mixed together all manner of oils and then slowly rub them all over me.”

I think the only question at this point is, does George Clooney still have to pay in cash? I hope not, because they seem so close.