Salma Hayek married her baby-daddy in a secret ceremony in Paris on Valentine’s Day. According to various reports, Salma and French businessman Francois-Henri Pinault (that handsome devil pictured above) tied the knot in the City Hall of the Sixth Arrondissement in central Paris, which is owned by Francois’ family. People magazine says:

Hayek, 42, and Pinault, 46, were married on Saturday – St. Valentine’s Day – in the City Hall of the Sixth Arrondissement in central Paris.
There had been recent reports that the couple – whose daughter, Valentina Paloma Pinault, was born in Los Angeles in September 2007 – had reunited after they had called off their marital engagement in July 2008.

I didn’t think it was possible for me to adore Salma Hayek anymore than I already do!! When she’s not busy saving the world with her wonder leche, she’s digging for gold! I doubt there’s a pre-nup involved. Francois asked her to sign one, but she jiggled her bitties a bit which hypnotized him to forget all about that stupid document! In a quick minute, Salma will have all the cash she needs to buy the Isle of Lesbos for Pennelope Cruz. They will rename it the Isle of Chichis, naturally. That’s my idea of heaven.

Salma Hayek let “Nightline” and Cynthia McFadden follow her on a goodwill trip to Sierra Leone a few months ago, and while there she breastfeed a newborn baby boy whose mother had no milk. Well, here’s the video!

During an interview with that troll Rachael Ray and Rachael’s buff gymnast titties, Salma said her 16-month-old daughter Valentina can already speak three languages. She speaks English, French and Spanish. Damn and fuck! I can’t even get English right and that baby has got me beat. Eff night classes at Sylvan Learning Center. I need to get schooled by Valentina. Or maybe I just need to nuzzle on Salma’s chichis and they will give me all the answers.

How come I wasn’t informed there would be huge tits at the Golden Globes last night? I totally would have taped Antiques Roadshow and watched that instead. Dammit! I hate when I miss tits!

Here’s Salma Hayek wearing a traditional Bavarian Dirndl dress on the show “Wetten Dass”. Damn. I didn’t expect to see those things this morning. I usually take my coffee with just sugar, but I’ll have a little leche today. These are chichis that can save the world!

Salma Hayek and French billionaire guy Francois-Henri Pinault have called off their engagement. It should be noted, however, that Salma gave birth to Francois-Henri’s child Valentina last September. USA Today says:

“We are sad to announce the engagement of Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault has been canceled. There will be no further comment,” Hayek’s rep said in a statement.

This was not the plan. Salma was supposed to stuff her melonitas into a million-dollar wedding dress and marry that rich bitch without a prenup. Prenups are for amateurs! Then she was supposed trick him into having an affair, take pictures, leak them to the press and play the “humiliated wife” role. Voila! Instant millions!

Salma is not letting a little pregnancy get in her way. Earlier this week she was on the arm of her fiancé at NYC’s Costume Institute Gala and here she is already in Paris. With her French fiancé, Francois-Henri Pinault, by her side, it’s no doubt that she wants to spend some of her time pregnant in the city of love. Plus, considering all the luxury brands that Pinault family owns – Yves Saint Laurent, Gucci, Balenciaga, etc, etc… Ring a bell? – I can’t blame her wanting to blow away a few (okay, a lot of) hours shopping. And hey, when going to the stores gets to be too much, she’ll probably be able to get the stores coming to her.