A great memaw was driving to Austin, Texas to buy some Werther’s, Metamucil and Icy Hot when she was pulled over for speeding. Officer Christopher Beize told 72-year-old Kathryn Winkfein that he was going to write her a ticket for going 60 in a 45mph construction zone. Kathryn refused to sign the ticket. That’s when Officer Beize threatened to arrest her old ass if she didn’t cooperate. Officer Beize should know that you don’t fuck with a memaw, because bitches don’t play!

Memaw Kat got out of her truck to give Officer B a big slice of FUCK OFF PIE. Memaw Kat eventually agreed to sign it and tried to wrestle Officer B’s ticket book out of his hands.

And Memaw Kat should know that you don’t fuck with a police officer, because they carry taser guns. That’s exactly what happened next. Officer B tasered Memaw Kat! How are you going to do that to a memaw?! Officer B is lucky Kat’s heart didn’t jump out of her prune hole and run away!

In his report, Officer B said he had no choice but to taser Memaw Kat. He said she was trying to push him into traffic and if he didn’t subdue her, she would’ve hurt him or herself.

After paramedics arrived and changed Memaw Kat’s Depends, she was arrested for resisting arrest. If convicted, she could face up to a year in jail and a $4,000 fine.

Officer B should get his taser gun taken away! This is wrong on so many levels. First of all, he didn’t need to fry the granny! He could have just given her a caramel square to calm her down a bit. Second of all, I think by tasering Memaw Kat he made her eyebrows jump up a couple of inches! Messing up a ho’s eyebrows is the biggest crime of all.

Well, ABC News reports that Thomas Beatie and his wife Nancy have a new baby son that was born earlier today. Their first child, Susan Juliette, was born last June.

They haven’t decided on a name yet, but they have decided that Nancy would be tittyfeeding their new son. Some source-type also said it was a natural birth. I guess that means the baby came out of his peen hole. It happens. Bigger things have come out of my peen hole before. There I go again. Ruining some beautiful with gutter talk.

Enough of me. Congratulations to Pregnant Dude and Big Butch Nancy!

Jon Gosselin, the guy with eight kids the raging cunt wife on the TLC hit reality show, Jon & Kate Plus 8, has been spending time with his mom. And by that I mean, banging the local girl’s college volleyball team. Woo hoo! Star Magazine reports:

The father of twins and sextuplets has been living it up in Huntingdon, Pa., where his mom resides. He turned up uninvited at a Feb. 6 party thrown by Juniata College seniors Erin Albert and Mariel Little — and ended up playing the drinking game beer pong with members of the women’s volleyball team! “He was acting like a drunk, girl-chasing frat boy,” one team member tells Star. “It really disturbed me. On the show he is so nice, but here, he was acting like an idiot.” The following night he ended up at Memories Sports Bar & Grill. “He was dirty dancing with several girls from the volleyball team, making out, kissing them on their necks and mouths,” says a witness in the bar. “He was all over one girl, a long-haired blonde who’s nearly 6 feet tall. He left with several of the girls, including her.”

Spend five minutes watching this show, and the only thing you’ll be asking yourself is what the hell took so long. God, this dude’s wife is the most controlling bitch and insufferable nag on Earth.