Mariah Carey went on Oprah last week to hawk her new crappy album, and of course she dragged along her little kiss-ass husband Nick Cannon on the stage so they could prove their love to the masses before his back gave out. The Daily Mail says

They shared an exaggerated smooch as Nick bent her over, before an uncomfortable looking Mariah stopped him, saying: ‘Don’t drop me!’

That picture reminds me of this joke I once heard: How fat is Mariah Carey? Mariah Carey’s so fat, she fell in love — and it broke. Ha ha!

A blogger is claiming that Oprah Winfrey pirated some of his poetry and used it in her internet-published work “Pieces of My Soul,” and now he wants recompense — to the tune of one TRILLION dollars! The National Enquirer says:

In an intellectual property case filed July 31 with the US District Court in Washington, D.C. author Damon Lloyd Goffe of the Bronx, New York is suing the talk show titan and her production company Harpo, Inc for damages he claims to be worth $1 trillion.

In the legal papers, Goffe says that “in April 2008 Oprah confessed to seizing original works of authorship” and published on the internet the first draft of his work ” A Tome of Poetry” under another title “Pieces of My Soul.”

The suit also alleges Oprah sold over 650 million editions of the work online
for $20 a copy which “calculates for 1.2 trillion dollars.”

$1 Trillion Dollars Goffe?! Really?! Best of luck on this one buddy . . . you’re gonna need it.

Oprah has once again topped Forbes magazine’s list of the biggest celebrity cocks aka The Celebrity 100 list. We already know that Oprah’s the most powerful and richest living thing on earth. I’m pretty sure that part of the taxes I pay go directly to Oprah. It’s the country’s way of thanking her for being so fucking awesome.

Here’s the Top 10 with what they reportedly made last year.

1. Oprah – $275 million
2. Tiger Woods – $115 million
3. Angelina Jolie – $14 million
4. Beyonce – $80 million
5. David Beckham – $50 million
6. Johnny Depp – $72 million
7. Jay-Z – $82 million
8. The Police – $115 million
9. J.K. Rowling – $300 million
10. Brad Pitt – $20 million

Visit Forbes to see the rest of the list.

Sculptor Daniel Edwards is responsible for the Britney Spears giving birth statue and the dead Paris Hilton one. He tackles Oprah for his latest work. He calls it “The Oprah Sarcophagus.” He said that he is paying homage to the closest thing America has to a living deity. Great, jack her off more. That’s just what she needs.

Oprah’s probably wet queefing over this one. Actually, Gayle King is probably going to buy this shit. She’s going to place it in her bedroom and she licks it like an ice cream cone…mmm,chocolate…

Rosie O’Donnell is currently whoring out her book of crazies “Celebrity Detox.” Oprah invited Rosie to come on her show and talk about the book. Rosie turned her down. Disgrace! Rosie will sit down with Diane Sawyer instead. I’m sure Diane can’t wait to dish about Barbara Walters.

Rosie’s rep said, “Rosie has always been booked with Diane. We gracefully declined Oprah’s offer. I’m sure Rosie will do Oprah’s show another time.”

When asked to comment Oprah said, “Rosie who?” No she didn’t say that, but you know she will in the future. Rosie is dead to her!

Oprah is seriously like the Empress of Books! She’s almost certainly calling every bookstore in the world demanding them to rip every page out of Rosie’s book.

Oprah has announced that she will open a 4,000 square-foot store near Harpo Studios in Chicago. Construction has already begun and will sell exclusively Oprah products.

Products will range from Oprah DVD’s to an African telephone wire basket to key rings.

No word yet on when the store will open.

I’m sure she’s going to donate all of the profits to her Angel Network, just like she did the DVD’s.

Oprah needs to get a resident pedicurist on staff ASAP. A billionaire like her should not be walking around with jacked up feet. It sort of looks like six toes, but I think it’s just a huge inflammation. She could possibly get Gayle to chew that off for her. Whatever it is, it’s making me hungry for overcooked Vienna sausage.