Right now at a hospital room in the Los Angeles area, a newborn baby is desperately trying to crawl back into Nicole Richie’s vagina after hearing what she has named him. People reports that Nicole and Joel Madden welcomed a baby boy early this morning. The healthy 7lbs. 14oz. was bestowed the name Sparrow James Midnight Madden. Sparrow? Midnight? What the hell is this?

A VERY pregnant Nicole Richie and boyfriend Joel Madden hit the California beach this weekend!

Nicole’s healthy glow has nothing to do with the sun.

I just caught this, but why is Nicole Ritchie on the cover of BlackBook looking eerily similar to Lady Gaga? Or an even better question is: Why is Nicole Ritchie on the cover of BlackBook looking eerily similar to Christina Aguilera looking like Lady Gaga? But the most probing question of all is: Who the fuck still reads BlackBook?

Joel Madden announced on his band’s website over the weekend that he and girlfriend Nicole Richie are expecting again:

What’s better than winning an Oscar? I am so happy to tell everyone that Harlow is going to be a big sister! God has truly blessed my family. Hope your all feeling as good as i am right now………

First of all, no. An Oscar is still better. Second of all, I thought these two weren’t allowed to breed anymore. Between Nicole Richie’s headband obsession and Joel Madden being a douchebag, these two seem like the worst parents ever. There are no possible life skills they can teach their kids except listen to shitty music, weigh 90lbs throughout most of your adult life and there’s no such thing as too much eyeliner. Their kids would have a better chance at life if you threw them in an active volcano.

Officials granted Nicole Richie a leave of absence from her court-mandated anti-drinking classes. According to Nicole’s rep, she received the pass not because of preferential treatment, but because they were worried about her safety.

“They offer that option to anyone with a medical condition of any kind,” the rep says. “She is not receiving special treatment.”

Richie, 26, who is eight months pregnant, must complete the 18-month program as part of her plea deal in her second DUI conviction. She was sentenced in July to four days in jail, fined $2,048, and required to sign up for the program.

As part of the program, participants are required to attend 52 hours of counseling, twice weekly personal interviews, and 12 hours of alcohol education… which I guess involves learning how to properly shake a martini or something.

Nicole Richie shows off her growing baby bump on the beach!

It was also nice of Joel Madden to keep his shirt on when going into the water. He’s thinking of us and I thank him for that.

Here’s Joel and Nicole relaxing in Hawaii from their stressful lives!

Finally, a good Nicole baby-bumb pic. She looks cute. Pregnancy is doing good things to Nicole Richie’s body. I actually see boobs!! At first I thought it was a mirage, but nope…she has them! She’s looking hot. She should stay knocked up forever. She looks very healthy, and her claims of eating must be true. So, good!

The very-pregnant Nicole Richie has chosen to serve her four-day jail sentence for DUI at the Century Regional Detention Facility (CRDF) in Lynwood, CA. That’s where Paris spent 23 lovely days.

Nicole had the option of choosing a private and “nicer” facility to serve her 4 days, but if she would have to serve the entire sentence. At Lynwood Nicole will get time for “good behavior” and all that other crap. She could end up being released within a few hours due to overcrowding.

Nicole may also serve in the medical ward, because she’s knocked up and special like that.

I still can’t believe this ho only got 4 days for her 2nd DUI. Remind me to kill in L.A. if I ever decide to take up serial murder. I’ll probably get elected mayor.

She’s confirmed to Diane Sawyer that she’s expecting a baby with rocker Joel Madden. The interview with Diane will air on Good Morning America this Thursday and 20/20 this Friday.

She said, “Yes, I am. We are. I’m almost four months.”

This is going to be interesting. I thought skinny bones didn’t get their periods. Freak of nature and smallest baby ever! Guinness standby.

Well, congratulations to these two tools! I expect a truthfully hideous baby name from these two and nothing less! I hope they don’t let me down!

Nicole will also talk about going to the clink. “I have a responsibility and it’s something that I did wrong, and if I could personally apologize to every single person that has lost a loved one from drunk driving I would. And unfortunately I can’t, but this is my way of paying my dues and taking responsibility and being an adult.”

Nicole Richie just got 4 days in the clink for her second DUI conviction. She pleaded guilty as expected. She was also fined $2048 and was ordered back to school for 21 days to an alcohol education course. Cheap.

She must start serving her time by September 28th. Oh well. I’ll be surprised if she serves even 4 hours.

Nicole is due to pop a baby in January as TMZ reports.