Michael Phelps loves to get high, finally giving me an excuse when I get caught smoking by strangers: “What? Michael Phelps does it, and that dude is an American hero!”

The God of the Sea admitted it was him giving a bong blow job in the picture that has now become my new iPhone wallpapers, telling AP:

“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment. I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

The tabloid said the photo was from a Nov. 6 party in South Carolina, a little more than a month after Phelps wrapped up his record haul in Beijing.

Human dolphin Michael Phelps might have more gold medals than God and the adoration of the entire nation, but he’s not good enough for former women’s breaststroke champion Amanda Beard. She denied the rumors on Johnjay and Rich’s radio show yesterday morning. Amanda could have kept it simple by just saying, “No, I’m not sucking on his dolphin fin.” Instead, she said “ewww” over and over again when asked about the rumors.

Amanda said:

“Eww, that’s nasty. I have never, ever hooked up with Michael Phelps. Come on, I have really good taste. He’s really not my type.”

Something tells me Amanda tried to sit on Michael’s golden peen once, but she couldn’t handle it.