Damn, I’ve never seen Mariah so drunk and Nick so happy. Someone that night didn’t have to ask permission to have sex!

Mariah Carey was shooting a music video in this awful swimsuit that looks like it was crudely fashioned out of a Hefty bag. Now, I’m not gonna give Mariah shit for gaining weight because she got married last year and everyone knows you gain new relationship weight when you’re all happy and lovely-dovey and shit. Plus, you know, Nick Cannon most likely doesn’t mind since it’s a scientific fact that black dudes like girls with a little extra meat on their bones.

But come on, she looks like King Kong Bundy in that thing. There’s “unflattering,” and then there’s taking the word flattering and shooting it in the face with an ugly shotgun.

Mariah Carey went on Oprah last week to hawk her new crappy album, and of course she dragged along her little kiss-ass husband Nick Cannon on the stage so they could prove their love to the masses before his back gave out. The Daily Mail says

They shared an exaggerated smooch as Nick bent her over, before an uncomfortable looking Mariah stopped him, saying: ‘Don’t drop me!’

That picture reminds me of this joke I once heard: How fat is Mariah Carey? Mariah Carey’s so fat, she fell in love — and it broke. Ha ha!

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s top-secret wedding as professionally photographed and stealthily placed on the cover of the super confidential People magazine.

Now 99% less a publicity stunt!

Though news of their relationship was only revealed this week, Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey may already be married. And the bitch didn’t even get a prenup. According to the New York Post, the couple was secretly married at Carey’s new home in the Bahamas. A source close to Carey revealed to the paper:

“They have been smitten with each other for days, weeks. And she’s always had a crush on him. Everyone is happy to see her happy. And it could work out – some people know each other for five years and get divorced, maybe this is true instant love.”

Not everyone is so over-the-moon.

“There was no pre-nup – there wasn’t time,” said another worried source.

Why wouldn’t she marry a 27-year-old dude without a prenup? I mean, now I know Mariah really is a crazy bitch. I’m suprised Nick Cannon is allowed to keep his SAG card. His movies are pure, unfiltered, knee-high shit. Nick Cannon makes Will Smith look like Marlon Brando.

Mariah looked ravishing in purple at last night’s Save The Music event in NYC. She’s looking like Barney’s second mistress!

The word “brainpower” and Mariah’s image should not be in the same neighbourhood. It just doesn’t make any sense!

Mariah Carey’s in Italy Capri on some private yacht. She put back a few glasses of wine, and then got on a jet ski! Really smart.

Growing up I used to be a huge fan of her. Well, she still looks fantastic but she is so pompous! I mean what is she now? Like 45 years old? , Good for her for keeping that body in shape. It’s always nice to revisit the past on occasion.