Lindsay Lohan had an epic meltdown recently at the Crown Bar in Los Angeles when she was expected to pay her bill. And of course she didn’t have any money, since her only job is showing up at places looking cracked out, which actually doesn’t pay as much as you’d expect.

“Lindsay stormed into the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of really expensive champagne. She finished both bottles with a friend. When the bartender gave her a bill, she had a meltdown,” says the source. “She was yelling at him and screaming profanities at everyone. The bar insisted she pay, so she had to call a friend with her credit-card information.”

Before the actress left the club around 2:30 a.m., the onlooker says, “She was crying and wanted to go home. She kept saying ‘I don’t pay for drinks! This is ridiculous! I’m freaking out!’”

Lindsay probably just figured that her delightful appearance was payment enough. Or maybe the vomit she left in one of the ladies room stalls. Eh? How many Los Angeles clubs can boast authentic Lindsay Lohan vomit on the premises? Oh, right. All of them. I guess they were fair in charging her.

In her hallucination, coked out mind, Lindsay Lohan really believes that she’s some kind of fashion designer. And she designs leggings. Leggings. That’s like an architect designing a square. So, needless to say, whoever is responsible for this banner picture and the below quote needs to be shot and killed.

Sexy Lindsay Lohan poses seductively on a stripper pole in this shot to promote her line of leggings. The Hollywood starlet goes blonde and shows off plenty of leg in a ripped pair of leggings from her 6126 range, named after Marilyn Monroe’s birth date. The label describes itself as “a lifestyle brand of feminine power and grace”.

Lohan is making all her dealers bawl by wearing this “Just Say No To Drugs” t-shirt. They shouldn’t head down to the unemployment office just yet! Lohan should say no to fake tan, and collagen, and peroxide blonde, and acting as well while she’s at it. I guess Lohan celebrating Halloween early! Or maybe it’s Liar’s Day in her world.

Whenever Lindsay Lohan calls the casting directors at True Blood, they probably cackle until the connection goes out. So Lohan has been forced to audition on Twitter. Yes, it’s come to this. Lohan, who has already admitted that she’s a major True Blood fanwhore, posted these pictures of her as a vampire on her Twitter. Nice try, bitch. If the show was called True Cokeywhore, then she’d get the starring role, but unfortunately it’s not.

Here’s Lindsay Lohan flashing some saggy sideboob while walking down the street in a pair of leggings and a nice loose top that can barely contain those big things. And to think this is how Lindsay Lohan looks in her early 20s. Imagine what she’ll actually look like in her 40s. Actually, don’t imagine that. It’s too gross.

Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears were seen out together at the Grand Star Jazz Club in Los Angeles Sunday evening. So much for sobriety and sanity! Adding Lindsay Lohan to Britney Spears is basically like adding whatever it is that you add to baking soda to make one of those volcanos when you were a kid. What? Science wasn’t my strong suite, OKAY?

Lindsay Lohan was bored the other day so she decided to hit up Twitter and post a topless photo of herself with only her hair covering her breasts. I love bored attention whores. Lindsay says it’s an old photo from the Forina ad she did. Don’t remember that commercial which made no sense and gave everyone a seizure? It’s for the best.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Lohan was spotted leaving Ronson’s house this morning at 3:30. Presumably after spending the night and having angry lesbian sex.

This wasn’t the first time the two have been spotted together. In early May, Lohan tried to sneak out of Ronson’s home at 6:30 AM.

I’m not even sure what Ronson has to offer that makes Lindsay keep coming back. Money? Fame? Power? Understanding? An emotional bond? A 10 inch penis? Which is it?

One of the more silly rumors today is that after she broke up with Samantha Ronson, Lindsay slept with about two dozen guys in the past two months resulting in an unexpected pregnancy. A “friend” of Lindsay swears she’s pregnant and is “going through big emotional turmoil. She’s not sure if she’ll have it or go through with an abortion that she booked to have in the next few days.” They also say Lindsay doesn’t know who the father is.

I call BS along with everyone else. The rumor is too perfect. There’s no guy to confirm it and if she doesn’t look pregnant in the next few weeks, it’s because she had an abortion so the source always ends up right. Plus, with Lindsay’s experience she knows about birth control and condoms. By now, she’s almost certainly developed some crazy talent of retracting her own egg from incoming sperm. Not to mention there’s no way a baby could survive in that womb. I’d think a fetus would need a few more nutrients than can be gotten through Vodka, Neuro energy drinks and sperm.

Think about this hypothetical situation: you’re from Danemark and you’re on vacation in Maui this week. You’ve never heard of Lindsay Lohan. You walk down a path and see that. Do you have any other thought besides “Oh fuck, these two junkies are gonna steal my rental car”? I say no.