Oh dear God no. Tara Reid wants to start procreating with her boyfriend Julien Jarmoune. From the San Francisco Chronicle:

Actress Tara Reid is desperate to start a family, hinting that she is trying for kids with current boyfriend Julien Jarmoune. The pair began dating after setting up Reid’s new clothing line together. And she doesn’t want to wait to settle down and start a family, telling People magazine, “I’m ready to make a family. I want two children, a boy and a girl. And a traditional wedding, the big dress, the princess thing. What every little girl dreams of.”

Whoa, whoa. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, Tara. You should wait and see what the CDC has to say about this first. Maybe think it through a little as well. Pregnancy is no joke. Especially when your baby is sitting in your diseased womb, arms folded, grumpy, constantly kicking your vagina and yelling, “This is bullshit!”

Are you ready for this? Seriously now? Tara Reid is engaged!!!

Actress Tara Reid is to marry French fashion boss Julien Jarmoune after a whirlwind romance, according to reports.

The pair met while Reid was researching her new fashion line Mantra, and have quickly fell for each other, claims the National Enquirer. A friend tells the tabloid, “Tara’s really in love with this guy, and he’s had an amazingly calming effect on her.”

The only conceivable way I could see a man having a calming effect on Tara Reid is if his wiener shot out barbiturates instead of semen.