Rand Memorial Hospital in the Bahamas tells TMZ the son of John Travolta died today.
Jett Travolta, the 16-year-old son of John Travolta who has always been rumored to be autistic but never officially diagnosed, died today in the Bahamas. And not as in, “from laughter”, I mean the real kind. TMZ says:

Rand Memorial Hospital in the Bahamas tells TMZ the son of John Travolta died today. We’re told 16-year-old Jett was vacationing with Travolta and wife Kelly Preston. We do not know the circumstances of his death. There have been reports that Jett was autistic, though Travolta has denied it, saying he suffers from Kawasaki Syndrome, a condition which often leads to heart disease.

I assume this is sad, but the good news is I bet Scientology funerals are exciting. A big picture of L Ron Hubbard and they’ll gather around wearing white robes and drink some unnamed blue liquid and then shoot Jetts coffin into space like at the end of Star Trek 2 when Spock died. Is this the end of Jett, or merely the beginning!

There is something very strange going on with John Travolta’s hair, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. I would say bad transplant, but it almost looks as thought it’s painted on with spray hair and if he starts sweating it’ll start running down his forehead. It looks like a pile of wet shit sitting on his scalp. Whatever it is, it kind of makes his head look like a Chia Pet, and his hairline look like the hairline of a Monchhichis. Of course, Monchhichis are just make-believe so that’s just dumb. You may as well just start a religion worshiping aliens or something.

Can we please end these nasty rumors about John Travolta? So he likes kissing men? Who cares? John Travolta making a move on 91-year-old Kirk Douglas while accepting a lifetime achievement award at the Santa Barbara Film Festival. Keep in mind it was Travolta accepting the award, not Douglas. And Douglas wasn’t presenting the award, he was just standing there. And if you need any further evidence that Travolta is gay, read what the director of Hairspray said about life on the set with Travolta in drag:

“Crew members would come up and give a little goose to the butt or the (breasts) or something and I think that he enjoyed it because I think that it made him feel like he was accomplishing his goal, like he was really being sold as a woman. And I think that that was really important to him that he not be perceived as a guy doing this in drag – that he genuinely be perceived as a female on set and I think it totally made him giddy to think that the crew was sort of trned on in a weird way but it was really, really fun.”

That dude is gay. I feel bad for the straight guys on that set. If I saw Travolta coming at me dressed as a woman, free to be himself under the guise of “acting”, I would cut a rope and drop a sandbag on his head. And if that missed I would fake my own death, just tip over a light and climb under it and then cut my head like they do in wrestling and hope that my ever expanding pool of blood would scare him off.