Here’s a pic of Aubrey O’Day and an “Exhibit A on why not to get seven boob jobs” pic of Holly Madison at the topless revue “Peep Show” for the last month in Vegas. Personally I think Holly looks great. I’ve always wanted to bang a chick who had nipples like a compass, one pointing north, the other south.

Holly Madison has ended her relationship with Criss Angel. I think it had something to do with, you know, her being Holly Madison and him being Criss Angel.

“All she’s doing is following Criss Angel around to all of his magic shows, with no legitimate job to speak of,” said an insider. “She’s still heartbroken and regretful about how things went down with Hef.

“Then she ran into the arms of Criss Angel,” the source told Us. “But then it’s like, ‘This is not everything I thought it would be.’”

It wasn’t everything she thought it would be? What did she think it would be? He’s a magician, for chrissakes. Enough fucking said. That’s like dating a homeless person and being like: “Oh wait, so you really do sleep outside on the ground? And eat things out of the trash? Huh. No, no, that’s cool… Oh boy, look at the time! I have really got to get going.”

29-year-old Holly Madison and 81-year-old Hugh Hefner were seen going waiting in the office of a doctor who specializes in vitro fertilization so says Janet Charlton. Is Pepaw having a baby? Ugh, I hope not. Holly has talked about how much she wants to be a mother and have a family. Hugh has been wary of it, because let’s face it, he’s older than cornstarch.

Ugh. Old sperm is linked to birth defects and latent illnesses, including schizophrenia. I hope Hef froze some when he was younger or she uses a donor. Someone needs to slap that bitch. This world needs schizophrenic bastard baby Hefs like I need a hole in my head. There are plenty of young men with lots of money and future earnings potential. This girl must have major self-esteem issues. Daddy didn’t love her enough.