Here’s Heidi Montag at the ‘G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra‘ premiere showing off her new Playboy cover. This would be interesting to me if she actually posed naked, but from what I hear she isn’t, so once again she ‘s completely useless. And I’m not exaggerating when I say that this is the fugliest fug cover I have ever seen. Why in the world is she covered in dirt?! She looks like a Wal-Mart-brand tampon fresh out of Spencer’s shitty asshole.

Back in April, there were reports that Heidi Montag was in negotiations to pose nude for Playboy. It appears that for once in her worthless life, one of the publicity-mongering rumors she started was actually true. From People:

Heidi Montag has gotten a lot of exposure lately – but the newlywed is about to get even more: She has posed for the September issue of Playboy, PEOPLE has confirmed.

The reality star was most recently stirring up drama on I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here, shot in Costa Rica, where she was briefly hospitalized. In April, she married her Hills costar Spencer Pratt.

Details of her Playboy photos are, um, scant: “There is nudity. It’s tasteful – she had a lot of fun with it,” says a second source. A rep for the magazine had no comment, and Montag’s rep was not immediately available to respond to questions.

Meaning, they gave her a ball of yarn to play with while they shot her naked.

Playboy should Photoshop a halo above her head and angel wings on her back while she pushes her chest forward to show everyone her fake tits. You know, sort of a final “fuck you” to Heidi’s God.

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are appearing on the show “I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!” and it seems they took the title a bit too literally. No, not the part about them actually being “celebrities” – the part where they want out. Supposedly the two tried to quit on the first day.