Great news for those of you who have always fantasized about dipping Heidi Klum in chocolate: her new coffee table book Rankin’s Heidilicious hit the shelves last week. Rankin’s Heidilicious by photographer Rankin shows a bunch of pictures of Heidi Klum being sexy. The description says it answers the question, “What’s Heidi really like?” I guess people ask that a lot. It’s the book you always wanted but didn’t know you always wanted. Buy it now or, you know, just look at most of the pictures here.

Here’s Heidi Klum nude in GQ Germany. For the record, Heidi didn’t seem this pale when I slept with her.

The Victoria’s Secret Angels strutted their stuff down the catwalk at a lavish show the newly-renovated Fontainebleau hotel in Miami this past weekend. There were the requisite feathers, the elaborate costuming, the diamond brassieres, and oh, yes — the boobies. Boobies, boobies, boobies.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Heidi Klum spoofs Tom Cruise’s notorious Risky Business underwear scene in a new Guitar Hero 4 commercial directed by Brett Ratner, proving that not everything Ratner touches necessarily turns to shit. Just about 98% of it. Not that Ratner deserves any of the credit for the success of the commercial – you could give a mongoloid monkey a camera and a director’s chair and it’d be just as good. It’s scientifically impossible to fuck up “Heidi Klum in her underpants.” It’s like trying to fuck up the Sistine Chapel with more Michelangelo or Spring Break with more beer. In science terms, it just isn’t happening.

Heidi Klum threw her 9th Annual Halloween Party in New York on Friday dressed as the multi-armed Indian god Shiva. As always, she had the best costume there. The only way that costume could kick any more ass is if it also included eight boobs and maybe a jet pack.

Seal

Ashley Olsen

Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart 

Carmen Electra

Helena Christensen

Ice-T and Coco

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt

Kendra Wilkinson

Kim Kardashian

Liv Tyler

Traci Bingham 

Cameron Diaz

Heidi Klum

Jennifer Garner

Jessica Alba

Nicole Kidman

Penelope Cruz

Despite having three young children roaming her house Heidi Klum wants Britney Spears to move in with her. In an interview with German broadcaster ARD, Klum said:

“She can call me and come live in our house with us for a couple of months. I would help set her straight. I am sorry when a young person gets thrown so off track. She has, of course, lived an extremely wild life.”

If Heidi’s really wants Britney to move in with her, she needs to quit dragging her ass and open that KFC and Starbucks in the guest room.

In a video to promote the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show on December 4th, Heidi Klum made this video where she basically fondles herself and says how much she loves her boobs. I agree. I love it when hot chicks are totally annoying. Makes me feel better about my hand.
So for Thanksgiving, I’m going to give thanks to all the Native Americans who took one for the team and died from all that scurvy and stuff so we could watch a supermodel play with herself. Thanks, dudes. You’re the best.

Heidi Klum wore a super hot dress to the Victorias Secret Fashion Show after party last night, but it’s still not slutty enough. I especially like how her asscrack accentuates that really sexy mole growing on her reptilian spine. I wonder if she has a clown mirror in her dressing room, that inversely makes her ass look normal, and I also wonder if she duct-tapes her battcheeks together. She needs to cover that thing up. The toilet should be the only thing to view that.

If you live in Germany, consider yourself lucky because you get to see Heidi Klum naked in Max magazine this month. Of course, thanks to the magic of the Internets, you don’t really have to live in Germany to see those Heidi Klum naked pictures. On the joking side, however, you can blame the evil of Photoshop, and some intentionally placed folded fabric, for Heidi Klum’s suspiciously missing nipples.