Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt hit Bowlmor Lanes in Manhattan last night for the opening of the new club Carnival last night, giving the pair plenty of priceless photo ops, including a make-out session with Bentley The Chimpanzee.

You know . . . That thing is probably just ridden with diseases and parasites. I sure hope someone at least made that monkey wash its hands after it was finished touching Paris Hilton. BAZINGA! Seriously, these things basically write themselves.

Paris Hilton is currently vacationing in Hawaii with her new boyfriend, because, of course she is. What did you expect, her to be visiting sick kids or doing humanitarian work in Darfur? Well, with any luck, maybe she’ll be mistaken for a surfboard and get slapped face down in the water until she drowns to death. It’s the little hopes like these that get me through the days, you know?

Someone who’s never felt the least bit squeamish about public displays of infection affection is Ms. Paris Hilton. And her new boyfriend Doug Reinhardt isn’t going to let a little thing like a swarm of paparazzi photographing his every move get in the way of getting some nookie post club-hopping nookie. Geesh, what a hopeless romantic.