After news broke last week that David Duchovny entered rehab for sex addiction, everyone naturally assumed that he’d been cheating on his wife Téa Leoni. Nope. He’s just addicted to Internet porn. Fox News says:

Duchovny’s problem has been longstanding. His wife, Téa Leoni , was aware of it for some time. It had just reached a point where it had to be treated.

I have inferred from my conversation with Duchovny’s friend that this has something to do with an addiction to pornography, probably on the Internet. It’s the sex equivalent of a gambling addiction, where the person is just hopelessly trapped in chat rooms.

Tea needs to lighten up. Now her man is gonna be all embarrassed. I don’t know who decided that enjoying porn meant you were addicted, but I bet it was someone fat. Fat people are always real jealous of sexual creatures like me and David Duchovny.

In some seriously disturbing WTF? news, X-Files actor David Duchovny has entered a rehabilitation center for sex addiction. Another case of art imitating life? According to People Magazine

“I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction,” the actor says in a statement. “I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family.”

With all due respect to Tea Leoni and their beautiful children, David Duchovny isn’t a sex addict! Would you say that Monet was a painting addict, or that Ghandi was a peace addict? No. Sometimes God just bestows these incredible gifts onto mankind, and to not share them with the world would be, in a word, selfish. And David Duchovny was clearly born with the gift of sexy. It isn’t simply a compulsion for him to share the reverse cowgirl with the world’s women… It is God’s will.

David Duchovny is caught with his pants down at Venice Beach on Tuesday.

Best known for his role as FBI agent Fox Mulder in X-Files, Duchovny, 46, shot a promotional ad campaign for his upcoming Showtime series Californication. David left little to the imagination as he stood pompously in his boxer shorts next to a beat-up Porsche 911!

“I wanted to have you rooting for a guy you shouldn’t be rooting for,” Duchovny has said of his troubled, lovable writer character. “The guy who’s drinking and falling into bed with women and sleeping all day is really the guy who’s taking care of the family.”

Californication, a 12-episode comedy with plenty of nudity, is set to air in August.