Courtney Love’s Malibu shopping outfit is making my eyeballs go in opposite directions, but it probably makes total sense to her. That outfit screams medication adjustment needed. Shopping at the Village Idiot Clothing boutique is not a good idea Cokeney!

In the January issue of UK Elle, Courtney Love admitted she tried to convince a doctor to fit her with a gastric band. The doctor refused because Courtney “wasn’t that fat,” so instead the 44 year old singer had some wack liposuction on her stomach.

“Baby, if I could get a gastric band I would! I’ve heard it’s a lot of vomiting and a pain in the ass, but it’s still easier than a diet.

“I did go to see a Hollywood doctor about it. I wasn’t desperate, I just knew I had to do something. He said no. I might have been fat, but I wasn’t that fat. I tried lipo on my stomach after that. It was horrible and it didn’t work.”

In case you’ve forgotten just how awesome Courtney’s lipo’d tummy looked, here’s a photo to remind you.

Courtney Love has had gastric bypass surgery to lose weight, and is rather amused that we all bought her story that the loss came from half starving herself and detoxing.

The former Hole singer, 44, once wrote on her blog that she was inspired to lose weight by Oprah Winfrey who got thin by drinking slimming drinks.

But a source told the the News of the World: ‘Courtney keeps laughing to her friends and saying, ‘Everyone thinks I’ve had hypnosis but why bother with all that effort? All I did was check myself in and have a fat band fitted’.

‘Courtney has always had problems with her appearance and is convinced she is ugly and fat. Two years ago she had a gastric band fitted at a surgery in Beverly Hills.

‘Lots of doctors refused to do it as she was nowhere near obese, just a little overweight, but eventually she found one.

‘And as soon as she had the operation the excess weight started to drop off her. Now she is just skin and bones and looks terrible.’

Well, I figured as much. You don’t get that hot without the aid of a doctor’s steady hand. Or at least the steady hand of an evil scientist with a sack of exhumed corpses and a carpet needle. Diet and exercise can go fuck themselves!

Courtney Love was in crazy full-effect in Malibu, and even caught a ride in a shopping cart. Her fella pushed her along as she grabbed at her paw, cigarette in hand. I’m not really sure what Courtney was doing in Malibu over the weekend, but I guess she decided to take her crazy-lady-in-ballet-slippers title back from Amy Winehouse, or she was trying to scare the crap out of the old, rich white people. “Ahhh, a homeless person, ruuuuun!!!”

Halloween may be months off, but Courtney Love did a good job of frightening onlookers with her ghoulish appearance in LA yesterday. Have you ever seen the movie “Maxie”? Courtney Love looked like “Maxie”, but skinnier and more dead. So take a little bit of “Maxie” and throw in a little “Death Becomes Her,” and you have Courtney’s summer look.

Very hot.

E! online just complimented Courtney Love for looking “normal again” at the Hysteric Glamour fashion party in Los Angeles on Thursday. I’d like to compliment Love as well, in my own weird way. I say she looks like she had an accident with a straight razor in the forehead region.

Honey, if you’re trying to follow Kurt, you’ll need to aim lower.

Sharon Osbourne recently said that she would never ever forgive Courtney Love for introducing OxyContin to her son, Jack. Jack had to check himself into rehab in 2003 due to his addiction to OxyContin.

Courtney is firing back at Sharon. She claims, “It wasn’t me!”

Court said, “I never did that. I would never give drugs to a teenager. Fuck you Sharon – as if I would ever give drugs to a teenager.”

She also insists she never even heard of OxyContin before she met Jack. So basically Courtney is saying Jack introduced that shit to her!

How would Courtney even remember? Wasn’t she basically in a walking blackout from like 1994 to 2006?

Fuck you Sharon! If it weren’t for Jack, Court would never be the crackhead she is today! Courtney was an innocent before him.

Courtney Love was blamed for ruining Kate Moss’ $8,000 dress at a charity event this past week. Kate bought the vintage Dior gown at some shop, wore it and some bitches tore it up by standing on it. Well, that’s what you get for spending so much dough on a dress. Next time gets your shit at Forever 21 and you won’t cry when someone rips it up.

Kate was said to be pissed at Courtney Love and blamed her crack ass for standing on her dress. It looks like they kissed and made up. The two were pals again at Thursday night’s Adidas by Stella McCartney show.

A cleaned up Court is still fug. The only picture where Courtney’s mouth is shut is the same one where her eyes are basically closed. I wonder if one of her plastic surgeons made a mistake, and somehow connected her mouth to her eyelids; now they open and close together!

According to LA folklore, Courtney Love used to work at a strip club called Jumbo’s Clown Room. It’s less sordid than you’d think, but it’s still quite a far cry from her current routine of shopping sprees in Beverly Hills after hours at Diavolina boutique on Robertson Boulevard on August 1, enjoying some privacy. Courtney’s living the American dream: Girl meets boy, boy gets rich, boy gets jaded, boy kills self, and girl gets rich.