Did you watch Miss Aguilera’s performance at the American Music Awards last night? Was she sick? There’s just something about her voice that seemed… off.

Christina Aguilera worked the red carpet at MTV’s 2008 Video Music Awards sporting some frightening makeup. I think it was even more scary than her usual clown face, so congrats to Christina for hitting a new low.

Drag queen hybrid Christina Aguilera launched her new fragrance “Inspire” at the Herald Square Macy’s in New York yesterday. As always, her tits were front and center. Well, not so much center, exactly. Maybe front and “decidedly askew.” Front and “one at five; one at nine.” Front and “you need to fucking sue your plastic surgeon already, you hideous silicone freak of nature.”

This is some sweatshop fuckery. It pretty much looks like shit you would find at the dollar store. The new ad promises:

Christina Aguilera INSPIRE brings a little of her self-assured confidence and sexiness to every woman’s life. The fragrance will remind you not to drift along with the crowd, but will inspire you to stand up for what you believe in and strive for your dreams. The fragrance celebrates being a woman, full of feminity and fun. Be inspired, be sexy and be exactly what you want to be.

Especially if who you want to be is a sluttier transvestite version of Pennywise the Dancing Clown from Stephen King’s “It.” Beep beep Richie!

This picture of Christina Aguilera naked is from an old David LaChapelle photoshoot in 2004, but it’s all over the internet today, so naturally I’ll be hopping on the bandwagon. If all the cool kids are doing it, then so am I.

I love how Christina is just chillin buck naked on a barrel while Pamela Anderson is covered up. And there’s a child in the room! Scandal! Call CPS!

Christina Aguilera was on Ellen DeGeneres yesterday and I really didn’t pay attention to anything she said. I just kept watching her massive chichis go up and down. They are much more interesting, because bitch is boring. Watching her interview with Ellen reminds me of running into someone you haven’t seen in a long time and there’s a reason why you haven’t. They just blab on and on about their boring ass life and you’re standing there thinking, “When is this person going to shut the mouth?”

It’s so clear Christina Aguilera just gave birth, as you can see by the maternal glow she’s sporting here. Either that, or all that sludge she spackles on herself finally ignited a chemical reaction with her skin. I wouldn’t be completely surprised if her makeup bag contained a paint gun. But those boobs are definitely pregnancy boobs and likely filled with enough toxic breast milk to turn that Max into some kind of mutant super baby!

According to Page Six, Christina and fug hubby Jordan Bratman decided on the name Jackson Jake for their first child, a boy reportedly due sometime after the New Year.

“She wants to name him Jackson Jake and call him J.J.”

I thought they were naming the kid Jordan whether it was a girl or a boy? I think it’s that “Jake” as a middle name just doesn’t work, but it’s so much better than it could be.

First, Demi Moore got nude for Vanity Fair, then Britney Spears did it for Harper’s Bazaar, and now Christina Aguilera stripped down for Marie Claire. What’s with celebrities feeling the need to expose themselves while pregnant? It’s not sexy! And besides that, it’s not even original anymore.

Christina Aguilera went out to eat at Amalfi a few days ago and it seems that forgot horizontal stripes might not be a good idea if you look like you’re about to give birth to King Kong. She also forgot her panties. It’s not really important. All I know is that soon a baby will come out of there, and then Christina Aguilera’s vagina will be dead to me. Ah, the circle of life. So gross, yet so magical.