Charlie Sheen announced yesterday that wife Brooke Mueller is pregnant with twins. That’s really great. Just really, really great. Somebody should probably go keep an eye on Denise Richards is all I’m saying. Yeah… No I’m totally serious. She’s going to wash broken glass down with Clorox when she hears about this. According to Us Weekly:

Charlie Sheen and his wife are expecting twin boys. In June, the pair joked that they were hoping for triplets. “Could you imagine if I really had triplets? He’d be like, ‘Whoa!’” Mueller told Extra.

For the record, this may be the first time the words “Charlie Sheen” and “twins” have been used in the same sentence without the words “anal” and “dressed as cheerleaders.”

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are expecting their first baby together – and you can bet Denise Richards isn’t going to like it. Rush and Molloy say:

Her ex Charlie Sheen is expecting a baby with new wife Brooke Mueller. “They are so happy and excited,” a spy [says]. “They are in love, and this news makes things even better.”

Denise once said that Charlie had “prostitute tranny infested sperm.” Does this mean Brooke is going to pop out a tranny prostitot?! Pray for tranny prostitot because Denise is going to makes its life a living hell.

And I can’t wait for Denise’s response. I hope she fucking claims the baby really belongs to her and Brooke stole her fetus! I wouldn’t put it past her.

Voicemail recordings that Charlie Sheen left for ex-wife Denise Richards three years ago mysteriously surfaced on the Internet yesterday. Of course, they’ve been yanked as fast as they’ve mysteriously appeared, but being the serious investigative journalist I am, I managed to obtain the transcript of his message left on Tuesday, April 19, 2005:

Yeah, I just got your other email and I am a little confused because you told me that was something you only told a couple of people, and this and that, and I just, again you continue to be deceitful and mischievous and sneaky, and you’re a fucking liar. Okay. You’re a fucking liar. So, you know what it’s like, fuck you. Okay, I hope you rot in fucking hell. You’re a piece of shit fucking liar and I hope you fucking rot in hell. So fuck you. I hope I never fucking talk to you again you fucking cunt. Fuck you. You’re a coward and a liar and a fucking nigger alright, so fuck you.

So that’s where she learned the word! Although, “fucking cunt” might be her birth name. We should look into that. Charlie should seriously put these touching words into a love song to Denise. He’s such a poet!

In response, Charlie apologized in a written statement released Wednesday, saying:

“I deeply apologize by my choice of words to all I have obviously offended; especially to Tony Todd, an African-American, who was my best man at my first two weddings. Three and one-half years later, the reasons that caused the anger and frustration displayed on that voice mail continue to be manifested on a daily basis because my children did not show up today for a custodial visit without explanation.”

Well, he went on to say, “But Denise is still a fucking dumb cunt.” No, he didn’t say that, but he wanted to. Denise said she has no idea how the tapes got leaked. They were court files from two years. Oh… Denise. She doesn’t give herself enough credit! Leaking is what she does best. No seriously, I think her old clients paid extra for that service.

Charlie will marry Brooke tonight and…..they might be expecting a baby. Hell yes! Call girl robot aka Denise Richards better be putting on a hot leather catsuit, ready to pounce on that wedding and destroy all in her path.

A source told Rush & Molly that Denise knows the wedding is tonight, because her girls are in. She hasn’t been told the exact location, “Who knows? She may even crash the event with a camera crew.” A bitch can dream! Denise better crash this shit if she knows what’s good for her and her boring ass reality show. She needs a major season finale cliffhanger!

The Charlie Sheen/Denise Richards feud is heating up again. Denise is making the rounds this week promoting her new reality show on E!. On Wednesday she claimed on the Today Show that Charlie faked the emails he claims Denise sent him begging him for sperm so she could have more kids. She told the New York Post yesterday:

“I don’t want Charlie’s prostitute-tranny-infested sperm. I have two beautiful kids. We’ll leave it at that. I am so over him. He’s the one who can’t move on. He’s disgusting, and he’s hit an all-time low.”

Denise also claims Charlie recently sent her a vulgar text message attacking her mother, who recently died of cancer:

“Last week, I sent Charlie a text message asking him if he’s going to Family Day [for daughter Sam’s school] and letting him know Sam was sick with a cold. His response was, ‘I hope you and your worthless retarded father get cancer and join your stupid mom. Rot in hell you [bleeping] whore. My mom died of cancer. This is what I deal with on a weekly basis. He missed Dad’s day at the school, and my father had to go in his place. And this is how he talks to me?”

Wow. These two fling more shit at each other than angry monkeys at the zoo. And who knows, Denise might just have a future as a gossip blogger. When this show coming out I hope we see them doing this on tv… that would make a great episode.

Denise Richards filed documents last week in her ongoing divorce from Charlie Sheen, and included several emails she claims were written to her by Sheen. So obviously Page Six printed them. Oh, and they’re just adorable, like a poem from olden days:

“You are a pig. A sad, jobless pig who is sad and talentless and sad and jobless and evil and a bad mom, so go fuck yourself sad jobless pig.”

“You are an evil piece of shit. I can’t wait to tell the world what a piece of shit you are. You don’t get a fucking dime till this is resolved.”

“Go cry to your bald mom, you fucking loser.”

Lovely! And that’s just some of it! I really hope Charlie puts all these e-mails together one day for a book about love. It will be a Valentine’s Day best seller!

Oh and Denise also claims Charlie used to visit gay porn sites featuring underage boys.

Charlie Sheen is engaged to his girlfriend of more than a year, real estate investor, Brooke Mueller. He’s 41 and she’s 29. Denise Richards was asked about the engagement and she had nothing but nice things to say. She was almost certainly clenching her chin the entire time.

She said, “I am genuinely happy for the two of them. In fact, I sent them flowers to congratulate them both. I’ve spent time with her, and my girls really like her. That’s all that matters to me.”

Richie Sambora in Hawaii recently dumped Denise. She also denies that she paid a matchmaker $50k to help her find a man. Unfortunate Denise!

She may be unlucky in love, but she says hot things. I watched some red carpet interview with her on Access Hollywood or something where they asked her about love advice and she said, “I’m the wrong person to give advice. I stole my best friend’s husband!”

I love that she totally acknowledges that she stole her best friend’s man! It totally redeemed her, in my eyes!