Everything is right with the world again. Paris Hilton is single and Lindsay Lohan has been getting trashed every night in London for the past week. Look at those bags under her eyes. Anyway, Lohan and Ronson got into a fight in London last night over a big dick named Calum Best. Lohan used to rub her worn-out kitty all over Calum’s Gouda peen and the two met up again at a club. A source said Lohan and Calum danced together which made Samantha Ronson one angry lezzie. Lohan and Samantha apparently started fighting which ended in both of them leaving the club.

They got into the car together, but when they arrived back at their hotel, Samantha stormed off in a cloud of saw dust. You know, because lezzies like wood working and stuff. Yeah, the joke doesn’t really work if I have to explain it in detail. Just give me an endearing look and continue eating your panini.

Lohan stayed behind in the car for around 10-minutes. One source said, “It was quite clear something was up. Lindsay had tears in her eyes as she left.”

Okay, you know shit is bad when you’re fighting about Calum Best! The douche isn’t even hot when you look at him upside down while jacking it. Almost everyone is hot when your head and genitals are fighting for blood flow. Don’t look at me that way!

More brightness now from The Sun UK, who has pictures of Lindsay Lohan’s most recent ex boyfriend Calum Best doing lines of coke while in a three way with two prostitutes. The Sun says:

The hunk was videoed during a frenzy of drug-fuelled depravity lasting three hours. Sex toys and a cat-o’-nine-tails whip were used as he: SNORTED lines of cocaine off a glass table while the naked vice girls looked on … LICKED the Class A drug off one hooker’s body and let both women pleasure him at once — before romping with each in turn … SHOUTED at one of them to “take a fucking line” as drugs were laid out.

How did these two crazy kids not fall in love? They have all they similar hobbies.

Calum Best has been telling his friends that Lindsay Lohan is hot in bed and the best sex he’s ever had. Gross.

A source close to Calum said: “Calum was knocked out by her body. He said she’s got one of the best he’s ever seen with all the curves in the right places. He joked Lindsay loved being on top during sex and controlling the pace but sometimes he felt he needed ear muffs because she screamed so much during sex. Lindsay likes her sex rough and passionate and Calum says he has the bruises and bumps to prove it. He joked their hotel room would often look like a whirlwind had run through it with sheets torn away from the mattress by the force of their bodies rolling across the bed.”

I find this shocking, because generally drunks are so bad in bed. Usually they either vomits on you, pass out, can’t get it up, have the most horrible breath ever or shoot you and take your money. True story. Calum needs to keep the grainy details to himself. His dick is almost certainly covered in moles.