Don’t expect to see Brooke Hogan in the pages of Playboy anytime soon. She turned down the magazine’s offer to pose nude. Brooke’s rep told Us Weekly yesterday:

“Brooke just didn’t feel that it was the right time. It’s not out of the question for the future, but we’ll have to see.”

If Playboy actually offered Brooke a pictorial, I wonder how much they agreed to pay her? I’m guessing a carton of cigarettes and bus pass.

Brooke Hogan is set to shake up the internet with some tough talk and some new fake pictures. This morning she posted two staged mugshot type pictures of herself on her myspace:

It’s so funny that the smallest thing I do can jack up everyones day…LOL sorry I ruined your little gossip world today people………or did I give you something else interesting to cling to for your boring worlds? Stay tuned! I might go shave my eyebrows tomorrow! Lets see what other fun things I can think of…um…. don’t you have a life to live? I know I do! Peace!
Love Always, Brooke

Really, Brooke. No one would miss you.

Brooke Hogan is making the rounds to promote her upcoming reality show, “Brooke Knows Best Jack Shit” (of which the premiere time and date I’m purposely omitting because no one should watch this) with a bunch of photos of her being “sexy.” Kinda of like if you found a Yeti with big fake tits stomping around in the mountains and you put it in a bikini and told it to stick its finger in its mouth provocatively and “make love to the camera.”

Hulk’s little princess is the latest blondie to shake her cha-chas for a photoshoot with the men’s mag. Of course, the Hulkster himself was on-set to ensure his baby girl didn’t show too much skin. Yes, because the Hogans are such conservative puritans and they want to maintain that image in the public’s eye. As you can tell, Hulk really cracked the whip during this shoot. She looks like a nun! Please, he cracked the whip alright, but in the privacy of his own basement.

And Brooke shouldn’t try to make “sexy face” because it’s looking more like “I just doodied in my panties face.”

20-year-old Brooke Hogan is “totally freaked out” over her 48-year-old mother dating a 19-year-old tool. Yes, that dude is 19. Yes, in human years. Brooke told E! News, “I personally don’t like it at all or condone it, but she’s my mom, so I have to show her support.”

Brooke also said that Linda’s new beast-boy is one of Nick Hogan’s classmates. She went on to say, “I went to school with him. He was a grade under me…Me and Nick know him well. Me and Nick are two years apart, and he was right between us (in school).”

Brooke should be freaked out. Both her parents are dating twats that look like their kids. They all look the same! Hulk Hogan is dating a Brooke look-alike, so Linda might as well too. You know Brooke looks like Linda’s man toy without the make-up, fake hair and a few days of not shaving.

A lot of people are wondering if Brooke Hogan was showing off her new implants on a trip to Hawaii this weekend. So are those new? The best answer is, I have no idea but they’re definitely weird looking. They kind of seem erect and droopy at the same time.

I can sincerely confess that I have never listened to a total Brooke Hogan song. She could be the next [put in huge singer], and I would have no idea because until recently, she never managed to produce any noise on my radar.

However, now that Brooke Hogan frequently perform in an almost naked condition of strip off, the aspiration to hear at least one song is growing. If she were performing nude, I would be listening to a song right now, but she isn’t. So as an alternative, I’ll have to deal with the Brooke Hogan pictures.