Britney Spears is completely removed from reality and thinks she still looks like she did in 1998. Here’s a hint: she doesn’t. I’m not sure how a methfreak, dumpy single mother of two with tits that look like they just get hit my darts translates into “sexy”, but maybe she should reconsider wearing crap like this.

Rihanna and her ridiculous hair are making the publicity rounds to open up about how Chris Brown attacked her last February, even giving a weepy interview to Diane Sawyer later this week. Because, of course she fucking is. Glamour also got in on a piece of the action:

It has taught me so much. I felt like I went to sleep as Rihanna and woke up as Britney Spears. That was the level of media chaos that happened the next day. It was like, What, there are helicopters circling my house? There are 100 people in my cul-de-sac? What do you mean, I can’t go back home?

You know who probably feels really good about that statement? Britney Spears. Yeah, I know what she was getting at, but still. Sure, Britney may have married a gold-digging loser, dated a skeevy paparazzi, lost her kids and went crazycakes for awhile – but she sure as hell didn’t let no man put his hands on her. Not that any man would be dumb enough to try, mind you. That’s why God invented hornet’s nests and sticks.

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Britney Spears new single called 3 got it’s first official airplay on US radio this morning. It’s off of her second greatest hits collection! Yes, Brit Brit is putting out another greatest hits collection . . .

It’s same old, same old shit!

Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears were seen out together at the Grand Star Jazz Club in Los Angeles Sunday evening. So much for sobriety and sanity! Adding Lindsay Lohan to Britney Spears is basically like adding whatever it is that you add to baking soda to make one of those volcanos when you were a kid. What? Science wasn’t my strong suite, OKAY?

Britney Spears snapped while shopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond Sunday with her new man, Jason Trawick.

Brunette Britney “trumps” blonde Britney any day. But I’m sure most of the guys would say that bra-less Britney “trumps” bra-wearing Britney. Heh.

Britney Spears’ Sons Dance to Toxic (Part 1) from Britney Spears on Vimeo.

A good way to get your ass kicked in school is to dance like how Jayden James and Sean Preston did to Toxic during a music break during Britney’s tour. This may be surprising, but if you’re a dude, writhing around like your mother isn’t something other guys find “cool”.

Britney doesn’t look bad in these new bikini pictures taken yesterday in the Caribbean, but it would definitely help if she could walk 10 feet without swinging her arms around like Bigfoot.

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Despite Ryan Seacrest’s assertion that Britney Spears is pregnant with her third child, I’m pretty sure she’s not knocked up. How do I know? I just saw this tape of Britney’s tampon string practically slapping everyone in the face at the front row of her Anaheim show.

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At her concert in Oakland, a huge chunk of Britney Spears weave fell out during the tricky “guy picks her up and they spin around” move. But that wasn’t the most shocking part of the show. No, the most shocking thing was the tensile strength of the wire used to suspend both the dancer AND Britney in mid-air.

Here are promotional shots for Britney Spears upcoming Candies campaign for Kohl’s. And yes, when you’re looking at non-paparazzi pictures of Britney, it’s pretty much known that they were sent through the ole’ Photoshop wind tunnel at least a dozen times. But I think those whores got a little too excited. The bitch has no stomach! They slap chopped it in half! I love the realism here. Because these shots clear resemble everything I’ve seen of Britney in the past four weeks.