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Howard Stern managed to get the “board feed” from Beyonce’s performance on The Today Show last year. Basically, it’s her real singing voice without any mixing or editing. And not surprisingly, it’s bad. Real bad. Like, if this was a cartoon, an uptight businessman would be holding a glass of coffee and it would just shatter all over his new suit once Beyonce started singing. And then a dog with a cloud of hearts above his head would start humping her leg.

Oh look, here’s Beyoncé performing at General Motors Place, the third stop on her Sasha Fierce tour. I still think the whole Sasha Fierce thing is dumb as hell, and I see Beyoncé is still dressing like a complete silly. On the other hand, this week is so boring that there’s a fair chance I might actually die of boredom by tomorrow afternoon, and these pictures are ever so a little more interesting than looking at protesters of the G20 Summit.

Just like the Seinfeld episode where George wanted everyone to call him T-Bone Beyoncé Knowles would like to be known by a bold new name. She has that new album coming out called I am… Sasha Fierce, and apparently it somehow involves human origami, because these are the first of the promo pics and Beyoncé Knowles is looking a tad Cirque du Soleil up there. It also reminds me a little of the possessed bendy girl from The Exorcism of Emily Rose.

Straight up: the freshly released live concert DVD The Beyonce Experience is the most entertaining filmed concert I’ve ever witnessed in my life. Actually, it may be the most entertaining concert I’ve ever seen, period. For two hours Beyonce spazzes out on stage with not nearly the amount of self-awareness that would make it arguably reasonable. She is a maniac. After watching her breathless display, my mind has changed completely. She’s not just a diva; she’s a superhero!

Beyoncé  wore an very tight green mermaid dress to the Kodak Theatre for Movies Rock on Sunday evening. Hm… that dress looks like a shameful version of what Rihanna wore to the World Music Awards last month. Poor Beyonce, she’s posing like that, because she can’t breathe.

Samsung unveiled the new, limited edition “B’Phone” today. In essence, the thing is a piece of junk! Her weave glue is almost certainly worth more than that cheap ass phone. The phone does come with a song she recorded when she was a little girl.

Beyonce told Billboard, “When I was 10, I recorded a song called ‘632-5792′ — a phone number. It’s a little embarrassing but it’s cute. There’s a recording of that song on the phone exclusively for my fans. I wanted to make sure people got a feel for who I really am. It’s only through this phone that you can get this close to my life.”

Bitch just wants to get paid! Let’s be real!

I have never purchased any product that bears a celebrity’s name, and I never will. I wouldn’t be caught dead with one. If they want to develop a perfume or product, fine, but name it something else. This is the height of conceit and egomania.

Fine, Beyoncé Knowles is back in a bikini, and so is her Back. And for those of you not down with the “street” language, Back means Ass. And in case you hadn’t noticed, Beyonce absolutely “got back.”