Plenty of people probably told Brody Jenner and Avril Lavigne that they could respectively do better than Jayde Nicole and Sum 41’s Deryck Whibley, but we can’t imagine anyone saying they should do each other. According to E! News, the Hills star and the pop singer are getting romantic, even being spotted clubbing at Voyeur together twice. “They’re hooking up, but they’re keeping it low-key,” said the source. Hmmm…well, Brody is a sk8erboi!

“You can tell they’re into each other and both like to have a good time,” says another source. “They’re cute together.” While the former couples are reportedly on good terms (Whibley is co-produced Lavigne’s upcoming album, Pink Crust), we still hope Nicole wasn’t aware of her ex’s dalliance with Lavigne when she interviewed Tyson Ritter of the All-American Rejects for Radar, as Ritter wouldn’t shut up about a wild night shared with the Canadian mall-punk. “We went to a strip club…She is full on divorced, and if that’s not a divorce, that is a swinger!” Maybe we shouldn’t make too much of this new pairing, then.

After three years of marriage, Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley are officially separating at their respective douchenozzles. Us Weekly says

“She dumped him and told him she was leaving him. She wants to move on,” a source [says] adding that Lavigne, 25, forced him out of their $9.5 million [Bel Air] estate. “Divorce papers will be filed any day now.”

Whibley, 29, “is crushed,” adds another insider.

I’d be crushed too if I was Deryck. You go from living the high life in a 12,000 square foot palace in Bel Air to some 5,000 square foot dump in Malibu or Beverly Hills. Man, this guy just can’t catch a break.

Avril Lavigne was on a yacht in St. Tropez the other day, and man, I have to ask her where she got her necklace. I think it really brings out her eyes.

Hubby Deryck Whibley was nowhere in sight when Avril Lavigne got shit-faced with a couple of girlfriends at My House in Hollywood last night. My sources tell me he was home pondering the faggy spelling of the name “Deryck” and the regrettable connotations between “Whibley” and a flabby penis.

Crap rocker Avril Lavigne has been forced to cancel a string of dates on her “The Best Damn Tour” after being afflicted with acute laryngitis. In a statement to fans, she said:

“My sincerest apologies to all of my fans. My intention was to complete the rest of the tour, but tonight at sound check in Anaheim, [Ca.], I realized this wasn’t possible. Even though I have been resting my voice for days, when I tried to sing nothing came out.”

She just couldn’t sing at all? Wow, it’s almost too perfect, as if a super strain of the virus was sent from the future to put a stop to Avril Lavigne. You know, kind of like the plot to The Terminator, only this time to save the human race from shitty music.

Here are Avril Lavigne and Petra Nemcova at the grand opening of Koi in Las Vegas. Now, I’ve always considered Avril to be an above-average-looking girl, but having her place next to Petra Nemcova, I’ve realized just how insanely hot Petra is. It’s sick! In the future, I’d advise any female celebrity to avoid having her picture taken with Petra Nemcova at all costs. It’s not excellent PR.

One of the main points of Halloween is for girls to dress up like sluts and so they can get away with it. A slutty French Maid uniform usually does the trick. However, here is Avril Lavigne in her very own unique version of a French maid uniform and it is a complete disappointment. How are we supposed to stare at Avril with the looming threat of her stomping on our necks with white combat boots?

The always-pleasant Avril Lavgine was dotted leaving the Roosevelt Hotel giving paparazzi the finger. Man, what a woman. I read somewhere they were going to ask her to write the Miss Manners article, but were afraid every person would get dispirited when nobody could live up to the example she’d set. I believe their exact words were, “Her manners! They’re too mannerly! She’s too manner!” And then they just repeatedly screamed “manners” for three hours straight. I don’t know, I guess that’s what they do in the newspaper business.