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Nothing warms my heart quite like a Joe Francis getting sued story - so I’m elated to report this morning that Ashley Alexandra Dupre is suing Francis to the tune of $10 million for filming her underage and exploiting her likeness.

Francis said he was “surprised and in fact amazed” by the lawsuit, noting he has not released new video of Dupre “due to corporate policy of not using footage of individuals younger than 18″ and asserting she gave her consent on video, providing identification.

I’m sure there’s a big gray area with intricate legal nuances to determine who’s culpable here… But when it comes down to it? If Joe Francis rescued a bunch of orphans and puppies from an ax-wielding murderer, and the murderer sued Joe Francis for injuries sustained - I’d be the first to donate half my paycheck to afford that murdering sonofabitch the best damn legal representation money can buy. So there’s pretty much no way I’m not going to take the side of the five thousand dollar whore. Or should I say, ten million dollar whore - right, Ashley? Ka-ching!

I don’t even know why this is news but it was in People so I’m running with it. The whore that brought down upstanding New York governor Eliot Spitzer enjoyed a relaxing spa day with her mother over the weekend. All together now: awwwww. A source at the spa told People:

“I know she’s been under a lot of stress so I hope we relaxed her.”

This may be the first time in Ashley’s life she received a facial and wasn’t paid for it afterwards. ZING!

A $1 million offer made to Ashley Alexandra Dupre (a.k.a Spitzer’s Whore) by Girls Gone Wild hit a teensy snafu when it was discovered that Dupre already appeared in one of the videos when she was just 18. Ever the shrewd businessman/piece of fucking shit, founder Joe Francis quickly retracted his offer and now plans to re-release the old footage.

“I met her on spring break at the Girls Gone Wild beach house in April 2003,” Francis tells PEOPLE. “She got into the Jacuzzi. … She threw her arms around me. I never made the connection that this was Ashley. But my cameraman had been in touch with her for a while. I didn’t make the connection until really recently. Then it was like: that’s Ashley!”

Well if it’s any conciliation, Ashley — I hope you at least stole his wallet. And hey, I’m sure there’s other opportunities out there! After millions of parents breathed a sign of relief when realizing that it wasn’t their kid, I’m thinking maybe poster child for pro-choice advocacy? I can see it now: “Ashley Alexandra Dupre: Because You Never Know How the Cookie’s Gonna Crumble.”