Al & Tipper Gore, who practically dry humped each other throughout his campaign, have announced that they are going their separate ways after 40 years together. Those of you who had all your money on Hillary putting Bill on the curb first just lost! Politico says that Al and Tipper announced they were quitting each other via this e-mail:

“We are announcing today that after a great deal of thought and discussion, we have decided to separate.

This is very much a mutual and mutually supportive decision that we have made together following a process of long and careful consideration. We ask for respect for our privacy and that of our family, and we do not intend to comment further.”

Tipper was probably sick of lying in bed alone at home while Al was off masturbating all over his whores (aka Global Warming, the Internet, Gaia, etc…). It won’t be long before that homewrecking whore Global Warming is on The Insider crying about how she didn’t intend to hurt anyone. And don’t be surprised when you read about Al’s sext messages to Gaia in Life & Style.

Al Gore, famous hater of unseasonably warm weather, has won the Nobel Peace Prize.

The Nobel Peace Prize was awarded today to Al Gore, the former vice president, and to the United Nations’ Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change for its work to alert the world to the threat of global warming.

This award seems slightly misguided, as Gore has done relatively little work regarding the “abolition or reduction of standing armies,” but whatever. Global warming!

Bono has said he will not admit until there is an official Ohio recount.

Al Gore III, the son of the former Vice President and the driving force behind the ecological film, “An Inconvenient Truth,” was arrested on the July 4th holiday in California and charged with speeding and possession of drugs. He was pulled over by an Orange County sheriff’s deputy after being clocked speeding at 100 miles per hour early in the morning. I didn’t even know that a Prius could go that fast without exploding, so I must ungenerously admit that I’m actually somewhat impressed in a wicked way. The deputy found marijuana and prescription drugs in the vehicle, which he searched after smelling what he believed to be pot. According to the New York Times:

The deputy found less than an ounce of marijuana and prescription pills that included the narcotic Vicodin, the addictive sleep and anxiety aids Valium, Xanax and Soma, and the amphetamine Adderall. “He doesn’t have a prescription for any of these pills,” Mr. Amormino said, “and that’s what makes it illegal.”

After Al the young sister Sarah posted his $20,000 bail, he was released from the California prison where he was being detained. His father was traveling from Britain to New York at the time of his son’s arrest and could not be reached for comment. With an irresponsible driving and DUI charge already under his belt from past incidents, the young Mr. Gore is now looking at a total of four possible drug charges, as well as a speeding citation. Happy Birthday America!